Election Day

Today is Election Day. I'm sure you knew that before you read that previous sentence. Unfortunately, given the number of people who showed up at my voting site yesterday wanting to vote, I'm guessing the word hadn't gotten out. 

Yesterday, Miss Hattie (my presiding judge--Yay!) and I set up the voting machines. It took us three hours of setting up machines, unwinding electrical cords, and testing and verifying the machines. Buckaroo came by after he set up his own voting precinct (yep, he's doing this too) and helped us. 

A word about Miss Hattie. She's a Southern woman of indiscernible age. Buck met her yesterday, later telling me her first name is obviously "Miss." No matter what she asks, every answer automatically begins with "yes, ma'am."

When I talked to Miss Hattie yesterday, she wanted to make sure we were on the same page about what to do if we had "aggressive" voters. I'd heard about the ugly voter last week who didn't want to remove his red hat. I had no idea Miss Hattie had been the one threatened. She isn't having any of it today. 

By the way, she has me working the line/floor/door instead of checking in voters because (according to Miss Hattie) I have "no-nonsense facial expressions." I'll have my 10,000 steps by 9 a.m. However, I get to be the ones to remind folks to leave their handguns and election merch in the car.  

I've packed a second set of clothing. Incidentally, I noticed Buck has as well. It is pouring rain right now--which seems to be a requirement around here for election days. Because there are voters who need to who utilize curbside voting, if it's raining, the voting machine and the voter get the umbrella and I get soaked. Every time I've done this, I've changed clothes. 

Polly and Marty Sunshine have been given marching orders of what to bring us for lunch. Polly is bringing food to me, Marty is bringing food for Buck. Last time, our team had a potluck. However, I was the only one who brought anything tasty and it was pretty much gone before I got my lunch at 4 p.m.

One last reminder, be kind to your election workers. Even if you've already voted, if you are in the neighborhood, they wouldn't mind a bottle of water and and good vibes.  

Oh, and keep your political merch at home. Miss Hattie isn't having any of it. 

The Rules of Engagement

In case you haven't heard, tomorrow is Election Day here in the US. Though there are now several ways to handle one's ballot, many traditional folks wait until the actual first Tuesday of November to cast their vote. This year, I'm being told it will be a busy one. So, to make mine and other election workers' jobs a tad easier, I thought I give y'all marching orders. 

1. Election workers are paid pittance. We aren't doing this for the money, fame or glory. In fact, by the time 5 a.m. Tuesday morning rolls around, there are several of us wondering if we might have the teensiest tickle in our throat so we can call in sick. That said, be kind to those serving. And--this is a personal favor--remind others to do the same. 

2. You might have to wait in line. Yep. That happens. Yelling at us how you "have been here 45 minutes" doesn't change the fact you've been here 45 minutes. We are working a 16+ hour day and don't care. Also, if you you are waiting in line when the polls close, you will still get to vote. That is Federal Law. So, stay in line. But please don't take it out on us that you waited until the end of the day to vote. 

3. Unless you are active law enforcement, your firearm does not come in the voting room. Don't argue with me. Don't "what if..." me. If you have a problem, take it up with the Secretary of State. Thank you.

3a. "Active Law Enforcement" means someone with a badge. We aren't talking about a a mall cop. 

3b. One last thing about firearms. We both know what "Active Law Enforcement" means. Give us a break. There's a line 100 people deep outside and now you are holding it up fighting me about open carry/NRA/the Second Amendment. Put your gun in your car. We are too busy to deal with you.  

4. We ask Federal Law demands that your phone is off. And more importantly, all recording devices (such as your phone) are off while you are in the voting room. Surly you saw the 15 signs posted all over the place mentioning this! You cannot take a selfie of you, holding your ballot. You cannot take a picture of your ballot as "proof" you voted. You cannot take a video and put it on TickTack/Instagum/Faceplant/XYZ or any other social media site. 

4a. Don't be difficult about the phone/cameral rule. It's posted everywhere. I have no desire to talk to a judge at 11 p.m. Tuesday night, explaining why I "allowed" you to film Karen over there casting her ballot. Please! Just help a girl out.   

5. We celebrate first time voters. Join us. We love seeing newly Naturalized Citizens and/or 18 year olds vote. 

6. A word about the "I voted stickers." You will notice a few extraordinary things in that tiny, yet sticky, piece of paper. a) The pronoun is I. Singular. You need ONE sticker. b) The verb is past tense. It already happened. You may not walk into the voting room and take your sticker before you voted. It's like demanding the receipt from Walmart before paying for the groceries. 

6a. If you need "proof" your ballot was cast, that's what the sticker is for--not your camera.

7. Please (PLEASE!!) keep all your election merch at home when you go vote. Though Connie may be your desired candidate for Little Miss Rice Patch, if you wear her button into the voting room, I will have to ask you to remove it because that's called "Electioneering" and it is illegal. Karen over there can call the Secretary of State's office and I will be seeing a judge at 11 p.m. Tuesday night and explaining how I "allowed" you to influence Karen's Little Miss Rice Patch vote. This goes for candidate T-shirts, hats, and other SWAG too. 

7a. If you have a T-shirt which might say something derogatory about the other candidate, such as "Mary is the worst Little Miss Rice Patch Candidate EVAH" it still counts as Electioneering.

7b. If you are sporting any slogan from a political campaign, I'm told that is considered the same as sporting the candidate's name. I heard a story from early voting last week of a voter who threatened one of the election officials because the election official (doing his job) wouldn't give him his ballot until the the guy removed his red hat with a particular slogan. Don't be that guy. And if you feel you should be entitled to display a potential slogan without a candidate's name, that's awesome. Feel any way you want as long as you take off the hat for the ten minutes you are in the voting room. 

8. If you participated in early voting or mailed your ballot in, don't stand in line for an hour and then feign outrage about how you haven't voted and the system is rigged. We have your signature on file and can tell you what day and what location you voted at. 

9. There are no paper ballots to punch or ways take a marker and color in the line. Everything is done on the computer now. If that isn't your thing, sorry. That's how it is done in my county. If you need assistance, I'm happy to help. However, I will not give you a paper ballot because there are NO PAPER BALLOTS and this is 2024--even in Bowie County, Texas. Don't take out your luddite frustrations on my clerks.

10. When you come in to vote, we will not be discussing political opinions. You cannot goad me, shame me or trick me into discussing anything on the ballot. As an election official, it isn't my job to tell you who to vote for. Besides, I'm sure you already have an opinion or two. 

And finally this word. I honestly don't care who you vote for. I never will. If one party or the other doesn't win, the world will still revolve on Wednesday and I expect to continue breathing. Though the playbook looks different to some, we are all on Team America. You do you.