Observations

I've had a bit of a mental list going in my head. Thought I'd dump it here. 

Where I live: 

• The word "boil" is one syllable. I can't even pronounce it, so please don't ask. 

• The word "ice" is twelve syllables. 

• Personal questions aren't considered personal. For example, I wear a brace on my knee. I've done so for the better part of 20 years. Around here, when I wear shorts or a skirt, perfect strangers will walk up to me and ask, "What's wrong with your knee?" I'm told they are being (ahem) "friendly." 

• Gossip is considered news. Polly has a medical issue. I asked someone I know who is familiar with insurance for some guidance (because our insurance denied the coverage AFTER the tests were run). After giving advice, she said, "I'm heading to Bible class. We'll be praying for Polly today." At one point, I fought this. Now I'm so used to this, I often forget it is NOT normal and a bit creepy.    

• Going to Bible class is considered a social activity. 

• I turn left onto busy streets at five p.m. on Tuesday afternoons without traffic lights and I don't fear for my life. 

• Gasoline is currently $2.36 a gallon and my electric bill last month was $83. 

• It is normal to discuss wildlife as if they are residents of the area and not wild critters. As an example, I just uttered this sentence: "Did you see the dead snake on Brown Drive?" (I checked. It was dead. ) 

• It is normal to "reply all." It is considered rude NOT to "reply all." In this case, I'm okay being rude. 

• If two or more are headed somewhere (like Hobby Lobby, the coffee shop, movies, etc.), it is customary to invite everyone else along in an text thread and then have everyone else "reply all" their status, so that your phone will ding for the next 20 minutes. Additionally, for some maddening reason, it is also customary to "heart" every response in the group text so that your phone will ding for another 20 minutes thereafter. My phone is usually on silent and I miss out on invitations because I don't see them until hours later when I scroll through 300 text messages. 

• Someone who is ill will have 35 meals delivered to their home, whether they want the meals or not. If you are a foodie, it is best not to mention illness is running rampant in the house, lest you want 50 pounds of homemade fried catfish, cornbread and banana pudding on your doorstep. Which brings up this: someone cared enough about you to take the time to make you a meal. Oh, by the way, you probably are also on 5 prayer lists.   

• Speaking of fried catfish, cornbread and banana pudding... the color of food in the South ranges from yellow to tan. Don't believe me? The Pantone color for chicken spaghetti is PMS 7402C. 

• Mayonnaise is a staple in Southern cooking. I don't understand Southern cooking.