Proof

For YEARS we've told Buck, how girls stare at him. He hasn't believed us. This weekend, Buck had a martial arts tournament in Longview. Marty saw this girl try to catch his eye on several occasions. Buck was oblivious the entire day. 

Saying No

I've begun saying No to social events. As I have reminded my kids on occasion, NO, is a full sentence. Six months ago I had zero social events, other than the occasional text from Deb, inviting me to a once a month Church of Christ prayer group or a last-minute call from Tessa, saying, "The Coronas are getting together in 15 minutes, you in?" I jumped at a chance to get out of my home. Now, my calendar is full. And lately, it is full in part because the Master Gardener program takes up an amazing amount of time. But I've also met quite a few folks. 

As grateful as I am to be past feeling lost and alone, right now I'm also ready to introvert. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to talk to adults I'm not related to. I'm ecstatic to have live conversations with others who do not live under my roof. It's not just the Church of Christ ladies. I have actually managed to get to know a handful of others who are not affiliated in any way with that group. 

Other than Thursday's madness: TWO Master Gardener events in one day (sigh...), the Lunch Bunch ladies, and the one hour library book club I'm staying close to home this week. I've already turned down the movies. I turned down a trip to check out some historic site close by in Arkansas. I turned down a chance to help my sewing teacher Val work on the high school's costumes for next week's production. And I suspect there will be other this and that's heading my way. But I'm saying no this week and introverting.  

   

The Current Governor of Arkansas is from Texarkana*

I must say, of all the activities I've done since I've moved to Texarkana, Corona night has never disappointed. Last night was no exception. It's taken a year to write this: I finally feel like I'm part of the group. In fact, I felt so secure last night, that I opted to skip the dinner and show up late. My timing was perfect and I didn't have to go through the whole awkward, "I'm Catholic and don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent" or (worse) "I'm allergic to 95 percent of what you are serving" dialogue. However I showed up just in time for the games.

We played two games: Double Ditto--a silly card game. And Skipbo--another silly card game, and a crowd favorite. As a writer though, it was the snippets of conversations I enjoyed. Imagine these all said with a Southern accent. 

"What's y'alls foundation are you wearing these days? I need a new foundation. Mine is starting to make me look like a racoon with hives." 

"Anyone of y'all have the cataract surgery? I'm checking into it. But thinking being blind is a better option."

"My sister has a boot on her ankle and one of those scooter-things to get her around, she isn't driving any better with that scooter than she does in a car. Bless her heart." 

* "Did you see what Sarah proposed for teachers? Lord, I remember her as a little girl. She had sense then. Her Daddy needs to have a good long talk with her and straighten her up." "She was in my second grade classroom when I was teaching. Somewhere along the lines she got hit on the head."  

"Y'all want to go to Dueling Pianos? Don't know what it is, but pretty sure they use swords." "Do they use the F word?" "Maybe, so just close your ears." How am I supposed to hear the pianos?"

"Do you remember when she was new here" (pointing to me) "and said she liked goat cheese? That's the day we bonded." (I have no memory of bonding over this moment, but okay...) 

"It's nice of you to be home long enough from your world travels to have us over. Where you heading off to next week?" 

Said without a Southern accent: "Ladies it's been fun. Good night. I'm heading out. I'm working at a backyard chicken seminar first thing in the morning." (said with a Southern accent) "You can't go! You won the last hand. Get back here and give me a rematch." 

Welp, perhaps you had to be there. But rest assured, there was laughing and my heart is full. Hopefully my Backyard Chicken Seminar today will be entertaining as well. 

I'ma Just Gonna Leave This Here

 Man Fails DMV Job Interview By Saying He Is A 'Motivated Go-Getter'

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — After an unexpected layoff led to weeks of scanning job boards and submitting applications, local man Aaron Consola regained hope when he passed a screening and aptitude test and scheduled an interview with the Department of Motor Vehicles. Unfortunately, the interview ended soon after he described himself as a "motivated go-getter."

"I would be a perfect fit in any of the Maricopa County field offices; I'm self-driven, always growing, and a motivated go-getter!" Sources indicate that DMV hiring manager S. Lowe considered the interview to be "over" upon hearing this admission, pivoting the conversation to the large pool of qualified applicants and the stringent requirements for DMV employees.

"I'm sorry, but you're not really the type we're looking for here at the DMV."

Reports confirm that Mr. Consola felt "crushed" by the rejection and abrupt end of the interview, having sensed the room's atmosphere shift when he described himself as "driven" and then feeling a harder pivot when he launched into a testimonial of how he had earned a reputation for "going the extra mile" in a prior customer service job.

"I don't know what went wrong. I started sharing about my outside-the-box idea for replacing the take-a-number system with something more boutique and relational…maybe the hiring manager was worried I wasn't being innovative enough?" Consola told friends he may consider spicing up his resume with more aggressive language like "collaborative," "dynamic," and "self-starter."

At publishing time, Consola was seen dropping off his resume at the Post Office, confident that the addition of "high-energy" and "risk-taker" to his resume would secure him a job.

Source: Babylon Bee--otherwise, I could totally believe this to be true, as I have stood in line at the DMV in Maricopa County

The Great Tree Giveaway, Part 2

The second tree giveaway was held in Texarkana last Saturday morning. Before the e-mail went out, I sent my own proactive note saying something like, "If you have enough volunteers, I'd be happy to sit this one out. Please let me know." To which, the response came that nobody had signed up for this event. Therefore, I opted to go. 

After I replied, the leader of the Master Gardener group sent out a blanket note asking for volunteers. Because most of this group can't figure out how not to "reply all" I counted at least seven other Master Gardeners who should be arriving. That's a good number for this kind of event. 

Saturday morning, I arrived at Spring Lake Park--Texarkana's version of Central Park--at 8 a.m. That was the time mentioned on the e-mail. I was told there would be 800 trees this time, which was a far cry from the last event where we had 40 bags and we were done by 9:18 a.m.. And just like last time, people were already lined up waiting for their free trees. 

What wasn't mentioned in the e-mail was this wasn't a Master Gardener event. This was a City of Texarkana event. Those folks had arrived at 7:30. They had already filled the bags (we had 100 bags when all was said and done, not 800 trees) and had no idea any Master Gardeners were expected to arrive at all. The spokesperson I chatted with, said they didn't want to "waste paper" by putting the actual planting directions in with the trees (they had about 500 pre-printed copies of the directions, provided by the US Forest Department, from what I could see). Instead, the directions were only to be given out if someone demanded planting directions. 

With an hour to kill, Myra, (one of the Master Gardener trainees) and I snuck the box of the planting directions and started working the line. We walked up to every vehicle (the City of Texarkana employees summarily ignored the winding line RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, instead, opting to eat their donuts), said hello to folks and gave them the planting directions. We chatted with the folks in line about what they could expect ("you will be getting a bald cypress, a chinkapin and an oak tree") and after a 10 second Google, said a few other comments like "plant the cypress in full sun." We also told anyone who wanted to hear--after all, we are a community organization--about the Master Gardener program and invited them to our class next week. 

At--I'm not making this up--9:05 the folks from the bureaucrats from the City of Texarkana decided they would finally give out the trees. Anyone who wanted more than one bag was told to drive around the line a second time. We didn't run out of trees this time, but the folks from the City of Texarkana decided the event was over with by 9:45. 

As I was getting ready to leave, the same woman who told me about not giving out the planting directions, pointed to the box (which obviously she hadn't opened) and said, "See, nobody needed those anyway." At that point, Myra and I made our exit and before she knew any better. 

The Surprise Party

Deb, the leader of the Coronas, turned 70 a couple of weeks ago. Last week, Krissy decided we needed to hold a surprise party for her. She sent out a pre-planned group text (which included Deb) saying, "Hey, I'm taking Deb out for dinner on Friday night to celebrate her birthday. Y'all coming?" We all texted variations of "No, can't make it," with some lies being much more specific than others. 

Then, all but Tessa (who had an Ole Brokerage event) and Gail, who happened to be in Hawaii, met up at an actual good restaurant in Texarkana and waited for Deb to show.  

It's fair to say Deb was surprised. She liked her gifts (I got her a little cross for her garden). She enjoyed her meal and her cake. She wore the crown and we all put on the silly hats for a picture or two. Then, we all laughed until our sides hurt.  

As for me, I don't take these kinds of interactions for granted. Even after a year, I feel like the new kid. I have no roots with these people. It was great to be included. And after so much time of feeling alone out here, it is even better to feel wanted.   

How It's Going

Welcome to North East Texas. 

We are under a Tornado Alert for the next 24 hours. And I'm the only one home. I am not panicking, but I wish the rest of my family would check in. Currently, I'm charging my phone and my extra battery. I know where my candles, flashlights, and food are. I've checked our spare water supply. Last time we were without power for 12 hours. Texts have come in saying that college might be closed tomorrow. That means, Polly's concert may be cancelled. 

I've moved the stained glass my father made to a safer place and when I'm done with this post, I'll drug the dog and give the cat a copious amount of CBT.  I also need to put out a puppy pad for Luna, who will ignore it and hold her bladder for as long as she can. 

Meanwhile, Polly--our weather nerd--is totally psyched. I've told her to make sure her bathroom is clean in case we need to shelter there. I will also clean out my closet so Finn has a place to sulk. Plus, I have a book to read. So, I'm ready.