I'm not making this up. I swear.
And I will type this out, even if it takes me a week (stupid broken hand).
So, I applied for a customer service job at the zoo. I mean, that sounds like something I can do. "Yes, the elephants are this way." "No our zoo doesn't have snakes. Walk 3 feet off the property in any direction and you can see all the snakes you like. And seriously, you just spent money in FLORIDA to see snakes?" "Would you like to buy a hat? Here is our fine selection."
It also turns out Marty applied for the same job. The ad said they were hiring multiple people. He saw it as a fun, customer service retirement kind of thing. We could work there together. What could go wrong?
Because this is the first interview I've formally had since Bush 1 was in office, I put some thought into the entire thing. Marty and I went back and forth on what to wear. This is an entry level job. However, I figured I couldn't go wrong looking more put together, so I shelled out $16 to Amazon for a new skirt. After all, job interview. Marty went with black jeans and a Hawaiian shirt.
We were overdressed. Of the four women, I was the only one who looked like I hadn't just left my job supervising the daycare playground. Of the four men, Marty was the only one who looked like he hadn't just left his shift at a meatpacking plant.
Additionally, the three folks on the interviewing panel caught me off guard, mainly because I was expecting something professional. But the three folks started this way: Tiffy wanted to wait an extra 15 minutes so that anyone who hadn't shown wouldn't feel shamed by coming in late. Tiffy also announced she was flying to Ohio in the morning, making me wonder exactly how she'd get through the TSA with three tons of shrapnel coming out of her face. Mykael let us know upfront his bedroom preferences. Now, I don't care about anyone's sexual orientation, but this was supposed to be a job interview. And then there was Jay, who began by giving us a commentary on his opinion of our current presidential administration. Again, don't care about his politics, but do I need to know any of this in a job interview?
Essentially these three would be my bosses if I were to get this job.
Mykael asked us to go around the room and introduce ourselves and say what "hospitality" meant to us. Because Marty threw me under the bus, I went first. Marty spoke. Adam--who gave off serious school-shooter vibes gave an answer. Izzy shared she was part of the LBGQABCDEFGHIJK movement and provided her answer. Then Mykael redirected and offered the answer he was looking for to the remainder of the group (something along the lines of what Marty and I said). However, the next person was Terehrie (pronounced "Terry") who announced he was too shy to talk in front of people. Tiffy said that was fine, everyone needed to feel like this was an inclusive space.
Did I mention this was a job interview? Just making sure.
I'll skip over the next 90 minutes of crazy and go straight to Mykael's last getting to know you directive: walk around the room and find out five bits'o trivia about the other candidates, because I guess, Jay, Tiffy and Mikael didn't want to do anything else. Marty referred to this as a "K-Mart Group Therapy Session."
When this madness ended, the three bosses announced they'd be in touch. There was no commitment to a discussion about salary, hours, expectations or even a job description. Just "Bye. Have a nice weekend."
Marty thinks he and I are too normal to be hired. I'm sure I can deal with the three bosses better than Marty. However, if hired, my true motive is to get out from under those guys and find a position with the botanical garden division anyway. This is just a stepping stone. But I'm thinking Terehie has a better chance of being hired than we do.
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