Yesterday, Liam told me I am to list his house for $15,000 more than it is worth because of all they had to "do" to it. What they had to "do" was make repairs--repairs that should have been made all along. Repairs that should never have waited until the last minute. And by the way, they have not put $15,000 worth of repairs into their home.
As he is dictating this to me, I am counting backwards from 10, knowing eventually I am going to have to say something moderately intelligent and not the least bit impolite. Pro tip: when counting backwards from 10, if you count by .001, it takes a long time to get to zero.
In some ways, I found Liam's particular bit of logic amusing. I have given them several lists of to-do items that will help their home sell. These items included touching up the exterior paint, decluttering the house and planting a few flowers in the front. All of these items are practical and fit their budget, which is quite limited. None of them they heeded. In fact, they have their own list that keeps getting weirder.
For example, last week Inga told me the flapper on the front potty was broken. They break. Ace Hardware sells a replacement flapper for $13.99. I mentioned this to her. I promised, it was so simple to replace, that even I can do it. So, don't worry. It won't be costly. What do they do? They bought a new solid gold toilet. Then they hired a plumber with a PhD to install the toilet. The almost $14 flapper cost as much as a bathroom remodel.
The week prior to last, I got a call from Dave. He was the flooring sales person. He was sitting with Inga and Liam and discussing what kind of flooring they should put in their home. I was thrilled they were willing to go to this expense. After all, the vinyl was completely torn up and was a major eye sore. However, they weren't replacing the vinyl. They were replacing the carpet, which really didn't need to be replaced. I explained this to Dave, Inga and Liam. None of them cared. Realizing I was fighting a losing battle, I got Dave to throw in the living room carpet at cost. They now have lovely, but unnecessary new carpet and an even smaller budget.
What I find interesting, is all of the repairs I have asked them to make that they ignore. For example, the back patio roof has an awkward piece of wood dangling from it. I don't know why. I have suggested fifteen times or so that they fix this. Doing so will accomplish two major items. First, it will not be unsightly and make a potential buyer wonder why there is an awkward piece of wood dangling from the roof. Second, it is a bit of a hazard.
What do they do instead you ask? They moved all the furniture to the garage. No, not all the furniture. There is now--and I am not making this up--a couch in the kitchen where Inga will be sleeping until further notice. I suggested putting the couch in the living room where couches are usually found, but that didn't seem like a practical suggestion to them.
To their credit. They did buy the plants I asked them to buy. But, they got the inexpensive seedlings, which are still sitting in the flower pots they came in, smack dab in the back yard. Tomorrow it will be 100 degrees. But no matter, right now now they look rather crispy so it is rather immaterial at this point. Liam feels it is most economical to just let the sprinklers water them, instead of planting them and putting a hose on them.
Yesterday Inga asked me what an inspector might call out on an inspection list. I told her, in order to get an inspection, she needs a buyer. In order to get a buyer, she needs to get the house on the market. In order to get the house on the market, she needs to have the photographer come by and take pictures. In order to get the photographer to come by and take pictures she needs to move the couch out of the kitchen and by all means, stop finding things to fix.
