Vacation Issues

I am writing this while sitting in a beach cottage on the Gulf Coast somewhere on an island in Florida. I wish I had internet. But, that doesn’t come with free lodging. 

My vacation has been more or less wonderful. Jane—God bless her—has been dealing with a lot of my administrative tasks back home. She gets part of my commission for a week’s worth of phone calls, e-mails and text messages from Liam and Inga she has had to manage. She has earned every penny of it and I only wish I could pay her more and have her do this on a regular basis.

I will spare you the majority of details of the last two weeks of Inga’s batshittery. But Damn! That woman is one emotionally needy manipulative witch. Inga’s house went into escrow precisely 36 hours after it went on the market. The offer was glorious, more than one could expect—and in their case, should expect. The repairs should have been simple. And we should be on our way to closing right about now. But unfortunately, Inga just can’t pack up her worldly belongings and just move out like a normal seller. Nope.

In the past two weeks Jane has been fired twice by Inga. I have been fired once, but I completely ignored her. Jane was going to find Inga a place to live but Inga has sufficiently burned that bridge. My passive-aggressive self wants this sale to fall through so I can fire her ass. But it looks like it will close. I am crossing my fingers Inga is really, truly moving out.

One of the biggest dramas has centered around something so small and bizarre, that it took some time to see the big picture. In this case, I believe I was lied to and so was everyone else. Instead of clarifying or owning their choices, they went on to make more bad choices. There are some people in the world who make bad choices and then own them. There are others who make a bad choice, don’t want to look bad in the eyes of society so they make a series of other bad choices to cover them up. It is a sit-com writer’s dream.

Inga is a living, breathing sit-com, if she were someone else’s problem right now.

In this case, the issue that has been making my head spin was over the one month old HVAC system. The buyer asked for it to be serviced because the inspector couldn’t get the heat to work. And before I go on, please note, when it is over 90 degrees outside, nobody can get the heat to work. However, as I have explained to every human being I have encountered in the past two weeks, Inga’s unit should be under warranty. So, just have the company who installed it go out there and certify it works. After all, there is a warranty? Right?

It took about three days of Inga constantly calling me and texting me (and then calling and texting Jane with the exact questions—doesn’t she think Jane and I are going to talk??) to figure out the “New HVAC” was probably not as professionally installed as I was led to believe. And guess what? I advertised it as a one month old unit because that is what I was told. Now, I don’t know this to be fact, but all of the sudden Liam and Inga just can’t seem to figure out who installed it and who to call to get it serviced. Nor can they provide a receipt for the installation. And suddenly the info is packed in a box at the bottom of the garage and Inga and Liam just can’t get to that box (but they demanded Jane to drive 45 miles over and find it).

This entire ordeal—getting a “new” AC serviced and a receipt provided—took 10 days of constant drama. “What will happen if we don’t get it serviced?” (“Why wouldn’t you service it? If this sale falls through, you will still need to get the unit working properly. Besides! you agreed to get it serviced. If you weren’t willing to do so, why did you agree to it?”) “I am not sure I have the time to take care of this." (“Not a problem, have Liam come over and wait for the AC guy. He is retired” and you aren’t working.) “This is really complicated. Why do we need to provide proof we had this done?” (“Two reasons: first you said it was newly installed and it should work properly and second because right now I think you are lying to me and I am not losing my license over your deception.”—Ok, I didn’t add that last part.)

Every single day for 10 days this woman kept me on the phone WHILE I WAS ON MY VACATION whining about having to have a relatively new HVAC unit serviced. In the time it took her to bug me, she could have just called an HVAC service company. Most of the time I let it go to voice mail. When she couldn’t get in touch with me, she turned on to Jane. The list of what is wrong with Inga’s house should have been much longer. This was the only item. THE ONLY ONE!!!! And frankly, it is an easy fix. If the guy who installed the unit won't verify it works, find someone to service the HVAC so it does work.

This past Monday, I explained to her (again) there are tons of HVAC companies in the greater Phoenix metro area, find one who will service the unit. The buyer needs the receipt for proof. Please! Just get it done. When she (again) asked "Why does this need to happen?" I explained I was trying to keep her out of court because she agreed in writing to have the damn thing serviced. So, get it serviced and provide me a receipt that has a legitimate HVAC Company name and ROC number. On this receipt have the technician write out that the unit works properly. That’s all she has to do. And THAT IS WHAT SHE AGREED TO DO!

And what does Inga do? She texts Jane and says I threatened to have her arrested.

Then Inga texts me and says Jane tells her I am out of line.

Then Inga tells me I am fired and to never contact her again for any reason. 

Oh... if only that were a possibility. She has a house in escrow.

By the way, the receipt I finally received said they paid $75 to have the unit serviced and a skilled technician certified it worked.