The Homeless Millennials

So Candy, the quintessential twenty-something, is moving here from North Dakota. I am told she and Mr. Candy are "rebuilding their credit" and have two dogs and two children. They aren't willing to fly out here and find a property. Instead, they want me to find them a rental home sight-unseen. This magical home has to be the size of Buckingham Palace and be priced like it is the Blue-Light Special at K-Mart.

They "need" four bedrooms, in a particular school district because they were told by someone's cousin, who lives in Tucson, this is THE SCHOOL DISTRICT (it isn't) and it must have a pool. And by golly--I am to stop what I am doing as soon as they e-mail me and to drive to what ever home they find on Zillow (because the data I pay for, apparently, isn't as reliable as the free data on Zillow). It does't matter that they aren't my only client. Nor does it matter that there is a $500 fine if I enter a home without the listing agent's permission. No. I work for them. They are the client, dammit and I will treat them like royalty!

What am I supposed to do when I get inside this imaginary home? I am to tell them if they should rent it or not. Of course, I like my license, so there is no way I am willing to do this. I explained a couple of times, I will not make a decision for them. I also encouraged them to come out and pick a home. They aren't wiling to do so.

Candy was willing to get her feathers ruffled when I suggested her expectations were unrealistic. I explained the market is freakeshly nuts right now. There are multiple applications on every property, and those folks with 700 credit scores and no pets are going to get first crack at homes in desirable areas. There would most likely be a bidding war (the listing rental price in some areas is merely a suggestion and often the home goes to the tenant willing to pay the most). Basically, I was telling her she was nothing special. If she wanted a place to live, she was going to have to be flexible.

I realized she was going to ignore my expert advice, when one Monday morning I got an e-mail from Candy demanding I stop what I was doing and see 16 homes she found on Zillow over the weekend. "I expect you to see these by COB today." There was no "please." There was no "thank you."  To be fair, I am not sure it is possible to see 16 homes in one day. What she didn't expect was for me to fire her.