May's Grievance Committee

This month's grievance committee came with a warning from the Powers that Be: this information is confidential and not to be shared with anyone. Then, I went and looked at my blog stats. Nope, I have no new readers. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm not giving enough details that anyone would be able to call out Mary Smith*, Neighborhood Specialist, Fabulous Agent! for her crummy behavior from reading this post. 

Anyway, we had our grievance meeting last week. 

There was the buyer who felt the agent didn't disclose a bunch of things that were wrong with the house. However, it isn't the agent's job to disclose. It is the seller's job to disclose what they know. If the agent doesn't know what's wrong with the house, how can they be held liable? 

Then there was the guy who was handicapped (which he mentioned in every paragraph) and felt his agent took advantage of him. I suspect the agent did take advantage, but not because the client was handicapped. I suspect the agent was just that kind of person. At any rate, we moved that one on to the High Inquisitor Squad. Additionally, because the complainant made note that he was handicapped, we had to slap on a fair housing code of ethics violation. Honestly, we had enough to go on long before that. Let the High Inquisitor Squad figure it out from there. 

And then there was this doozy. An agent listed someone's house for sale without taking a listing agreement. Yep, you heard it right. Bad, bad Mary Smith**, Neighborhood Specialist, Fabulous Agent! I'm sure Ms. Smith's broker was excited to see that run across his desk. Hopefully the High Inquisitor Squad will throw the book at Ms. Smith. 

*Not a real person

**Seriously, I made up the name

Non-Competitive Offers

Last week, my client countered back to two of the offers they got. 

The two they countered back to were not the highest offers. Not even in the slightest. However, they were the best written. 

To give you an idea of the crazy that my client passed on, the agent sent over the offer. Later I got an e-mail saying, "Whoops! I meant to say the offer was contingent on my buyer selling their home. Will this e-mail count as good enough wording so I don't have to re-write the contract?" Actually, no. Plus, there is a pre-printed addendum that says something along the lines of the offer is contingent upon the buyer successfully selling their home. It wasn't included. I so wanted to reach out to this agent and give a little coaching session. Why doesn't this agent know this form exists?? Why???? 

I also got text messages asking--and I'm not making this up--how many offers $10,000 under sales price had they received? I've been doing this for 18 years so please understand, even when the market was soft (like 2009) one didn't write an offer $10,000 under asking price. That simply doesn't happen here.  

And in case there's an agent out there who needs to hear this; this is not a market to ask the seller to pay for a buyer's closing costs, home warranty or appraisal. Or, if we can just put it simply: this is not a market to ask for anything.

There was also the agent who called me asking how to write up the contract in the first place. "You will need to discuss this with your broker. I cannot help you." was my basic reply. I never heard back. 

We did get an offer where the buyer was willing to credit the seller a few thousand dollars. Too bad that offer was missing significant basic information and was written in purple crayon. 

I'm pleased with the offer they took. Hopefully all will go well from here. I would not want to start this process over and put my clients through this again. 

Adventures in Real Estate

 There have been so many adventures this week. And it's only Tuesday. 

First, you might remember my brother's friend, John? He is selling his parent's home in Sun City. And as a way to pay tribute to their memory, he pulled up the carpeting and half of the carpet pad prior to putting it on the market with an agent who is (mercifully) not me. Why? Because he felt that a new buyer wouldn't like the "ugly" carpet. 

Anyway he has another buyer for the house. It closes in a few weeks. According to my brother--who sagely suggested John just leave well enough alone--John wants to (and I am not making this up) pressure wash the existing concrete subfloor. Why? Because he feels the new buyer would prefer freshly washed concrete. I ask you, what could possibly go wrong with spraying down the interior subfloor of a home?

______________

My listing is under contract. Monday, I had to break the bad news to six agents that their clients did not win. Most agents were reasonable. 

Most. 

One agent--and he wrote the most sloppy of all the contracts I got--after the fact, demanded he have a chance to counter-offer. "I'm sorry, but the house is now in escrow. My client is beyond the counter-offer stage. Would you like to be considered as a back up offer if this one falls through?" I asked. 

No he didn't. So he said instead he said he will be, "backing out of the deal." 

What's there to back out from? My sellers chose another offer. There is no "deal."

______________

Speaking of agents who submitted contracts, and people who feel the need to wash floors, one of the agents who submitted an offer has been calling me on and off for days. Why? She has a vacant condo in escrow. It is a downstairs unit and the condo upstairs had a pipe burst.  

Her question to me? What does the Arizona Residential Purchase Contract say about such things? Seriously? She has a copy of it. Just read it. Or, ask her broker. Though I didn't advise her, I showed her in the contract (there are two places) where this kind of thing is covered. Then I told her to call her broker, because her broker needs to know a pipe burst and now the listing has an indoor swimming pool. 

Incidentally, though I've never personally met her and our interactions have only been in the past week, I like this agent a lot. I suspect she and I will be meeting in the future for iced tea.

Mr. Lincoln Graced our Presence on February 12, 1809

 

Which one doesn't belong? 

In the midst of this crazy real estate sale I have going on, I found a freelance writing contract position. The job in question basically is looking for someone to write questions for the national real estate exam. It is possibly something I can do. 

Last week I was asked to submit writing examples.  My writing samples were apparently serotonin inducingly boring inspired enough that I then was asked to take an assessment test. 

The assessment asked me--and I am not making this up--to prove I can write an e-mail, cut and paste and look up the birthday of Abraham Lincoln. Then I had 15 minutes to look at a bunch of pictures and figure out which one didn't belong, add up a few numbers and a few other spatial ability tests. It's a mystery to me how that translates into writing fabulous prose for a real estate school, but I am guessing they know what they are doing. 

I have no idea when or if I will hear from these folks again. Part of me would love to have something a bit more brain-stimulating to do to keep me away from laundry, current events and watching losing Diamondbacks games. 

Not Sorry

I am not much of a bureaucrat. I admit, I've always been a bit of a gray-area rule follower. Twelve items in the 10 item or less lane at the grocery store, no problem! Speed limit 65, I can go 70! Mandatory masks... well, don't get me started. 

However, I take my profession seriously. I feel that as an agent, I am duty-bound to follow the Code of Ethics that are in place. The public won't take real estate agents seriously if we don't take our profession seriously. So, even as a gray-area rule follower in some aspects of my life, I don't mess around with my livelihood. 

Anyway, Olivia decided to walk into my listing on Friday without an appointment. My seller works from home. She works on confidential information during the day and cannot have anyone in the house without violating Federal law. This is a big deal. There have been no showings until after 4 p.m. for that reason (and as of this writing Friday afternoon, I have four offers). But Olivia had her buyers with her and stood in my seller's foyer around noon and said, "Since we are here, can we just peek?" 

My seller didn't know what to do and let her in. 

When I called Olivia to give a bit of coaching, explaining that going into a home without agent permission is against the rules and subject to a fine, Olivia got pissy. I don't handle deflection pissy well--especially when I am taking up for a greater cause. In this case, the greater cause is keeping the professional reputation of realtors everywhere in the highest light.  

Because Olivia didn't want to chat about lessons learned, I did the next best thing. I sent a note to the association and to her broker, using my Big Girl Designated Broker Voice (tm) and explained that Ms. Olivia violated a rule within the Association and was not open to further coaching, therefore I felt the need to escalate this. Poor Olivia is now being slapped with a $500 fine. 

Fiji Here I Come

We are up to six offers. I am expecting three more. Just got a text. Now, four more. My head hurts. I have printed (because the Department requires) a small rainforest of contracts, addendums, prequals and miscellaneous reams full of words that nobody will ever read. I feel sad for the buyers who have hope and no chance. There are a few of them. 

Currently there are two offers that stand out. Neither are the highest priced. Both are clean, and ask for little. The agents seem to know what they are doing. Neither picked the title company I would prefer, but one has picked a title company I have used several times. 

I am watching this unfold, hearing about the stories from the camera doorbell my seller is listening to when the buyers leave. There are going to be homeless disappointed folks. 

One aspect of this I am enjoying is talking shop with other agents. I can't answer how much is the highest offer (it doesn't matter anyway, because the two highest offers were written in purple crayon and missing a few key details). I am unable to share what the other contracts' terms and conditions are (but come on! If you want your buyer to win, don't ask for the seller to pay for your buyer's closing costs). I like talking shop. I like sharing war stories and having friendly chats with like-minded folks. I have started telling the agents I am chatting with, "Hey, just because you and I are having a great conversation, in no way means you have an edge against the other offers that have come in." I hate reminding them of this, but it seems necessary. 

Another aspect that totally blows me away--and I'm not making this up--is the number of agents who have asked me how to write a contract. I know how to do so. I don't go around advertising this, but these people have brokers to ask. I represent the seller, how would you think I'd answer that (hint: $100,000 over asking price, cash only, 5 day close, ice cream sandwich of the month subscription to the seller for the next two years, vacation in Fiji for the listing agent and don't ask for the seller to do anything). 

Job Hunting

I applied for another job a couple of days ago. I was so enthusiastic about it that I didn't even bother to include a cover letter. The folks got back to me, asked for a writing sample and I obliged. This is a short-term contract position and it kind of sounds like fun. If hired, they are looking for someone to write content for the national real estate exam preparation. 

Here's a sample of the scintillating prose I came up with. Don't laugh! I followed the guidelines they provided and they specifically said they didn't want entertaining or for me to--and I'm not making this up--"wax poetic."   

Ways to Transfer Title.

There are four ways to transfer title.

1.      Voluntary Alienation, which is through public and private sale. For example, Brown provides money to buy Smith’s land.

2.      Involuntary Alienation, which is done against the owner’s will and includes foreclosure, eminent domain and adverse possession.  Additionally, Escheat falls into this category as well. For Example: Spring Town needs a highway and buys Circle’s land through eminent domain.

3.      In Descent is where an individual dies with heirs but does not leave a will. The Probate Court will appoint a representative to handle the individual’s estate and distribute the deceased’s property. For Example: Purple dies but does not have a will. Purple’s estate goes through the probate court and the court appoints an administrator to distribute Purple’s property.

4.      When a Will is in place, property is transferred by the will of the descendant and through the term’s of the will. For Example: Blue writes a will naming Green an heir. Blue dies. Before Blue’s death, Blue named an executor whose responsibility it is to carry out the terms of the will and distributes the estate to Green. 

There are 1,275 Five Syllable Words in the English Language

 I have three offers on the listing I have. Well, I have three offers as of right now. 

Offer One is well written, clean--not asking for anything spectacular--and gives me hope for humanity. It is the lowest of the offers I've received. 

Offer Two is so sloppy that I wrote him back and told him to re-do. He re-did and he copied every single five syllable word from Webster's in his contract. The offer is still sloppy, but at least all the paperwork is included. The agent then called me and begged his case.  

Offer Three: I accidentally met the buyers and liked then. I kind of want them to get this house. However, the offer is also sloppy and I'm sad to see that. I asked the agent for a few pieces of missing paperwork and I haven't gotten them. That's kind of a bummer for those folks. 

My seller has directed me to stop telling agents how to do their jobs.  If they can't figure out how to get the necessary forms signed and write words in clear, concise language, not my problem. And the money is underwhelming to my clients when they aren't sure really where the client stands on a few contract terms. 

If you are a buyer and lose out on a house in this market, I'm starting to believe that it might very well be that your agent can't write a contract. 

My head hurts. 

The Latest Crazy

So far I have two offers on my listing. 

Offer One: Agent has been active since November, 2019. He has sold 7 houses. His offer was reasonable, he checked all the right boxes. Everything was signed and initialed where it needed to be signed and initialed. The offer wasn't perfect, but something my seller can work with. When I called the loan officer, she told me about the buyers. They are qualified. They are cool. She knows what she's doing. 

Offer Two: Higher price than offer one. Some fancy language that boils down to they can back out if it doesn't appraise was added. He is the buyer. I know this because his unusual name was also the name of the buyers in the purchase contract. He forgot to check a box or three. He completely forgot to include a specific addendum that is material to the sale. His loan officer said he was one of the "top agents" he has worked with. "Funny, according to the MLS, he's closed 4 homes since he got his license," I replied. Then the loan officer backtracked. The loan officer also laid out this gem, they need their own home to sell first before they buy--which wasn't disclosed in the contract. This is a legitimate contract, but a sloppy one. 

After the vein in my forehead stopped throbbing, I sent the contract back to the buyer/agent. Could you please review your offer and put in the right initials in the correct place, add the addendum you are missing and disclose you are the buyer as well on page 8 (so that your broker doesn't completely lose his $h!* when he finds out you omitted something that will land you in front of the Grievance Committee). I told him once I got the completed contract back, I will submit it to the seller.  

Let The Crazy Begin

There are 3,200 active single family homes on the market in Maricopa and Pinal Counties. I have a listing that is in "coming soon" status, which means it will be active on Wednesday but it is already in the MLS so that Zillow and Realtor.com will steal the pictures and put it on their Web sites as soon as possible.

Anyway, the sign at the house has been up since last Wednesday. On Saturday my clients had a yard sale. A guy came by, asked if the house was for sale and asked if he could go inside and "take a peek." Tell me, do you walk up to a stranger's home and ask if YOU can go inside and take a peek? I need to have someone give me a better perspective here. Anyone? My seller told him to call me to schedule an appointment. He didn't call. Instead, he brought his wife back over and started in on how they knew someone who wanted to buy a home and could they go inside? They said they already looked at the old listing (from 2015) via the Internet, so what was the big deal? Anyway, they never went inside the house. And, they have yet to call me. 

Sunday night the home was put into MLS in the aforementioned "coming soon" status. It will be active Wednesday. An agent asked for permission to see the interior on Monday. I called her and explained she could view the home on Wednesday. "I go in early all the time," she replied. That's awesome. If an agent turns her in for this, it is $500 a violation. This brought up how she'd been an agent for 5 years and she "knows what she's doing." Plus--and I'm not making this up--my seller will need to provide last year's electric bills before her buyers sign a counter-offer. What counter-offer? What offer? Anyway, I wished her well. She now has two (yes, really) appointments set for Wednesday. I don't know why. Nor do I feel like calling her and finding out if it was a mistake. 

And then there's this. An agent called me today. Her question was simply how far was it from the hall bathroom (the secondary one the kids use) to the master bed. Yep. Bed. I guess it depends upon where the bed would be placed in the bedroom. I told her I didn't know. But please feel free to schedule a showing and bring a tape measure. 

So far I have four people signed up for Wednesday's five appointments. The tape measure lady hasn't signed up at this time. 

John is Back

My youngest brother, Squirrel*, has a friend named John. You remember John don't you? John is a bit of an excitable sort who is long on conspiracy theories and short on social conventions. Though he is nice enough, he does take a certain amount of patience that is not part of my genetic makeup. Therefore, when it came time to list his house--a listing that was mine to loose and for a reasonable commission--I walked. I haven't regretted this decision. Not one little bit. 

Anyway, John has a home in Sun City that needs flooring. It went on the market by Realtor, St. Luke, the Patron Saint of Excitable Conspiratorial Sorts. 

Squirrel called me the other day. He had a few hypothetical questions for his friend "Juan," who happens to be selling his house. Perhaps I could answer them. The house sold in a heartbeat to a ready, willing and able buyer. Squirrel also told me--and I'm not sure exactly what the case is here--that for some reason, the buyer walked and forfeited his earnest money. 

I guess, the problem troubling John/Juan is that the buyer's forfeited earnest money is to be split with the St. Luke. Yep. That's in the listing contract John signed. If the buyer walks, the agent is reimbursed for his time and trouble. The Seller is also reimbursed for his time and trouble. 

Now John is re-thinking the fairness such a thing. "Why? Is 'Juan' going to use the money to put in carpeting?" I asked. Not a chance. John just wanted the whole thing because he is "sure" St. Luke somehow caused the buyer to walk so he could make a few bucks. I doubt it. I haven't talked to St. Luke, but I suspect he would like to get out of this listing as soon as possible too. 

*Unfortunate nicknames are kind of a thing in my family.  

More New Boss

Just assume HR is involved, ok? 

New Boss has publicly stated he is trying to get one of Marty's teammates to leave. I don't understand. Marty feels comfortable this situation is going to be gone soon. As long as Marty is in good spirits, I don't care. But it is fascinating how a company as large and woke as Marty's will tolerate these kind of shenanigans. 

The Realm of the New Boss

Month one is in the books of the Realm of the New Boss. This past week, Marty's new boss told Marty's department that he has (proudly) alienated two of their internal customers and that part of the business is gone. Poof! Gone. 

I can't make this up. 

I'm taking bets if this guy has been brought in to break up Marty's division. Marty swears no. He's just a buffoon. Time will tell. 

Too Old and Cynical

It didn't occur to me if I applied for jobs I might actually get an interview. 

Yea... it's been a while. 

Anyway, I applied for a job with a company who handles the marketing for Valley real estate agents. They often write the MLS verbiage that goes into listings as well as make brochures and flyers for agents. In this particular market, I'm not sure what agent is spending extra money on brochures and flyers. But, this company is busy enough that they were hiring a copywriter. 

The job was full time and required me to be in Tempe during office hours. Neither of which appealed to me. However, I was willing to give the interview a'go and see if I could dazzle them enough to allow me to work from home on a part time basis. Or at least I thought I was. 

It turns out I didn't sleep well, and kept mulling over a few lost tid-bits in my head. First--and this is kind of important--the Arizona Department of Real Estate might have a problem with me writing MLS listings for other agents. Even as I was composing my note to my contact at the Department asking about the rules on this particular issue, I knew the answer before she got back with me. Second, the the company's Web site has an "inclusion statement," that made me want to vomit. The statement basically said unless I was an under 40, squishy, easily hurt-feelings-type I wasn't going to fit in. So, this job probably wasn't for me.  

Everyone Wants to be a Thousandaire

I have a listing appointment. My sellers want a price about $40k over what I can safely assure the home will appraise for. The sellers have been "watching the market." The sellers are reading stories on social media about houses that sell for bucks more than they should. My sellers are talking with friends who know people who have had fabulous home-selling experiences and are now mega-thousandaires. 

Therefore, it should be my sellers who have this experience.  

In the interest of doing my best, I called an agent who had a home listed for sale in my seller's neighborhood. How did the showings go? Did they get over-asking contracts? Are her sellers happy with the experience? The agent said her listing was over-priced. She got a moderate amount of showings. She got a couple of offers. Had she listed the house at market value, she probably would have been able to give her clients more offers to choose from because the demand would have been there. And the offers would have been more competitive and at a higher price than what she has now. 

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 6

My sister-in-law is a fabulous photographer.

My brother Darwin and the seller of the house he wants to buy had a nice meeting of the minds. In this crazy market, my brother got less concessions than he wanted but more than he expected. It looks like he will be moving forward with the sale. In a few months he and my sister-in-law can close this chapter of their lives. 

In the mean-time, on the weekends they are getting up super-early to drink mimosas on the beach at sunrise.   

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, Marty suggested I take some time this week and go up to the mountains with my trusty laptop and just write. With temperatures already over 100 degrees, I am tempted to take him up on this. But I have nowhere in particular to go. Plus, I hate the whole mask thing. Plus the cost of hotel rooms, food, gasoline and other travel-type expenditures could be used for better family adventures. 

Additionally, I have a listing coming up this week and sellers get cranky when their agent leaves town. Very cranky. But Marty's sentiment is appreciated. Maybe I will take him up on this later in the summer when the heat is unbearable.  

Anyway, for you Mama's out there, Happy Mother's day. I love you. I love your kids. I love the difference you made in their lives and in mine. 

Adventures in Arizona Real Estate

Oh, what a week! 

First, Dee and her Merry Felons closed on a house a couple of weeks back. Last weekend the electrical panel caught fire and melted the wiring in the house. That's been fun.  Insurance and home warranty have both stepped back, saying this isn't covered. How it isn't covered, I have yet to fully understand. I've read the policies. Though this isn't my problem, I was ornery enough earlier this week to have a go at the home warranty company. As of the end of that phone call, they were sending someone out to take a look at the problem. 

_______________________

Speaking of Dee, her daughtered contacted me. Daughter's paternal grandmother wants to sell her home with one of those discount brokerages, where the seller pays a flat fee and poof! The home is gone. Could I please tell grandma how much the house is worth so that they know what to expect from their agent? 

_______________________

And finally this: a client from years back called. The house behind her sold recently to an out of state buyer. The new owner had a contractor come over and tear down the block fencing around his house. The new owner apparently doesn't like fencing and wanted a view. Now then, this fence borders my client's house. My client has big dogs who were, until last week, fenced in. My client has a pool. My client bought a house with a fence and thought that's what they were keeping! And my client was asking me what they should do. My suggestion: file a police report and hire an attorney. 

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 5

So my brother Darwin and his bride have asked the seller for a few concessions because of the surprises they found in their inspections. He is in wait-mode.

Another one of the fun parts of this particular purchase contract Darwin agreed to was that the close of escrow is the end of July. Therefore, Darwin can't close on this house. The seller--who has a different idea of maintenance--will be living there for a few more months.  

However, Darwin wants to lock in his loan rate. So, his genius loan officer who is not a licensed agent said, "Why don't you just lock in the rate, close on the sale and then let the sellers stay for a few months." What could go wrong? 

Darwin asked his Florida real estate peeps about such a thing. They all thought it was a delightful idea! How charitable of Darwin to let these folks just stay for a few months while Darwin pays the mortgage. 

And what did I think? 

I think I have PTSD. I think I've seen floods and fires under these circumstances. I think I have never seen a post-possession go well. Ever. EVER! 

I've seen broken widgets and bleach stains in the carpet that weren't there during the final walk-through days/weeks/months earlier. I've seen broken windows and burns on countertops that the new buyer wasn't expecting to see after the seller occupied a home they didn't own any more. I've seen sellers take the stove, dishwasher, washer, dryer, refrigerator and--I'm not making this up--hot water heater upon move out. Why? Because they could and, after all, the seller bought those items. By the way, I wasn't the agent on the post-possession hot water heater fiasco. I was on the washer, dryer and refrigerator fiasco. 

So no, this is not a good idea. I added the following in my last text to him: "As your big sister, I'm starting to hate your agents." 

He replied, "If this falls through, they are all fired. I'm not a fan of them either." 

   

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 4

So last Monday my brother Darwin had a bunch of inspections on the home he wanted to buy. In attendance was Lindsay, his agent--though now Darwin is only speaking with Irving, the broker. My brother wanted several inspections done on this 30 year old house. These were inspections above and beyond a home inspector. Last week, Lindsay had argued with him, telling him his inspections were "needless" and just a "waste of money." So, instead of actually setting up the requested inspections she blew it off and thought Darwin would just comply. He didn't. 

The home inspector said the house was in great shape. And wow! What a beautiful bargain Darwin was getting. 

Lindsay was beaming. She knew this and why wouldn't Darwin listen to her all along? 

The roofer agreed. The roof has another 5 to 10 years. He also told Darwin how smart he was to get a roof inspection. He praised Lindsay for having the presence of mind to recommend such a such a thing for her clients, and he wished more buyers took this extra step. 

The home inspector said the AC blows cold. No worries there. 

The HVAC inspector took of the AC's casing to find out the coils were completely rusted through. "Let me snap a picture of that!" The Home Inspector said, adding this to his findings. The AC is also running 17 amps on a 20 amp circuit. It should be running 10. The HVAC inspector was surprised it was still running. The home inspector, after looking over the HVAC inspector's shoulder agreed. "Yep, this thing is shot." 

Lindsay was quiet. 

Home inspector said the pool looked great. The hot tub pump wasn't working, but that "could be anything." 

The Pool Inspector removed the exterior casing to discover there had been an electrical fire and the entire motor, electrical and part of the interior of the hot tub had fused together. The seller must have forgotten there had been a fire. "You may want to ask the seller if they have anything else they forgot to disclose," I said. 

"Indeed," Darwin replied. 

The pool inspector also discovered the pool also doesn't exactly hold water. There may be a leak. Plus, The buried propane heater--used for the pool and hot tub--are in unreasonable shape and need some sort of love/maintenance/replacement. 

The plumber found a few interesting tid-bits the home inspector didn't find either. Who knew that keeping a cookie sheet under a dishwasher would be a substitute for a drain pipe? 

I didn't even hear how the sewer scope went. But I know Lindsay has probably changed her tune and at the very least started looking for a different home inspector to recommend to her clients. 

As of Monday night (I'm writing this Tuesday morning) Darwin and his wife hadn't decided what they were going to do. They had a bit of time left in their inspections. I offered my big sister advice of don't make a financial decision based on fear--fear of losing out, fear of lack of inventory, fear of being homeless. Darwin agreed, but he said he wasn't going to buy the home in the condition it was in now. 

I'm Guessing High Winds are a Reason

Saturday morning I got a text from Darwin. It said that he found out there is a propane gas tank buried underground on the property he wants to buy. He wanted to know what his liability would be if the tank were to leak and cause a fire or an environmental issue.

The quick and dirty answer is his liability is 100 percent if he owns the house. But I didn't say that exactly. I did tell him that he needs to research this with people who are smarter than me. Call  his homeowner's insurance agent. Call a propane company and ask why and when are tanks buried underground--that was a new one to Marty and me. He also may want to find out what the current laws happen to be for this scenario. I mean, who buries propane tanks? 

As I am writing this, I did a quick 21 second Google search. Yep, people bury propane tanks for whatever reason.  

Note: I did some more research to satisfy my curiosity. Underground tanks are considered safer and it wouldn't be an environmental issue if the tank leaked. Good to know. 

Location, Location, Location

The Players: 

Polly--my daughter

Pringles--her beau, who has an unfortunate nickname

Bell--Pringles' mother

Are you with me? 

Now then, Bell called me. You see, there's a home for sale two doors down from hers and quite possibly, Pringles might want to buy it. Could I please find out the details? 

"Does Pringles want to buy a home?" I asked. Then I added, "If he wants to buy a home and wants to use me as an agent, have him call me." 

Now then, that did not sit well with Bell. "Well, I'm just doing the initial legwork," she hedged. That might be, but unless she is signing the purchase contract, Pringles' financial status and home purchase is truly none of her business. To be fair, Pringles is a cool guy and all, but I'm not sure he'd even want me all up in his business. And I'm not sure I even want to be up in his business. That may be more than I need to know at this point in the Polly-Pringles lifecycle.   

I did give Bell one more nugget that will probably get me shunned from being Pringles' agent: if he is house shopping, he needs to go alone until he finds the one he wants to buy. There are way too many people who have expectations and are willing to share their opinions about where he (or any buyer) should live. Let him pick out the property first. This isn't Pringles' specific advice, I give this to all buyers. 

And when buyers don't listen, they end up making strange life choices, like explaining to their significant other why they just bought a home two doors down from their mother.  

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 3

So my brother Darwin is buying a home in Florida. He may have the world's worst real estate agent. Lindsay has proven herself to be a bit of a do-nothing and unfortunately that has put my brother's life savings in jeopardy. When I found this out, as a real estate broker, I hyperventilated. All the nightmare scenarios that get agents in front of the grievance committee and brokers in front of judges were playing out in front of me. 

As a big sister I felt righteous indignation that someone was treating my brother and his wife wrong. And there was hell to pay. 

I suggested my brother call the broker and explain that he was about to lose all of his life savings and then some because his agent decided to jet off to the beach instead of doing her job. 

Darwin did call the broker. In fact, Lindsay was also on that call where she made excuses for not setting up the inspection appointments because she was "busy," and she felt Darwin's inspections were "over the top." She also told the broker and Darwin that she thought it was, "customary" to put down more than the GNP of Belize as non-refundable earnest money without consulting the client (Darwin and his wife) of such risks. 

At which point Irving, the broker, stepped in. He told Darwin that he is now Darwin's agent and will take over from this point forward. He will be calling the listing agent's broker, explaining they might need more time and could that be granted? Irving was sure he could make that happen. "What does that mean?" Darwin asked me. 

"It means that Irving is going to call the listing agent's boss, throw Lindsay under the bus for being incompetent and ask for more time. Hopefully the listing agent's broker has lived a similar nightmare and is willing to grant this indulgence." 

"What if they don't?" Darwin asked. 

Honestly, they probably will under the circumstances. I know I would if a broker called me--especially after I read the terms of that contract Darwin and his wife agreed to without understanding what they meant. It's common courtesy and hopefully the listing broker will feel compelled to pay forward some grace in this messy situation. But I just told Darwin to stay on top of that. 

As of Saturday morning, all the inspections were miraculously set up for Monday. That broker must have worked overtime to get that done with the trades on their day off. Additionally, Irving now refers to my brother as, "Sir," and is asking if there is anything else that they can do to make him feel better. No need. Darwin is happier than he was when I talked to him Friday afternoon. And hopefully this will be his new home for years to come. 

 

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 2

Backstory: My brother is buying a home. He signed off on a bunch of terms and conditions from the seller and did not fully understand what he was agreeing to. 

And away we go. 

Part of what Darwin agreed to in his accepted contract was a 7 day inspection period. That's all well and good. Most of the time this can happen. However, it requires the agent (Lindsay) to actually do her part. In this case, Lindsay decided "her part" was to discourage these inspections. And she put it in writing, stating Darwin was a bit out of line and his due diligence was over the top. 

Darwin wants a general home inspection. Darwin wants a roof inspection. Darwin wants a HVAC inspection. Darwin wants a sewer scope. Darwin wants a critter inspection.  Darwin wants a pool inspection.  Lindsay said only the home inspection was necessary because if there were other problems, the seller would have disclosed this. That's when Darwin called me for a reality check. 

As I have grown in my real estate career, I have started encouraging my buyers to get more than just the home inspection. Depending upon the home, I might even ask for all of the above inspections (especially for homes built in the early 2000s). I realize it is a lot of money to do so, but the home inspector will turn on the AC and say, "yep, it blows cold." the HVAC inspector will tell you if the flux capacitor is leaking.  

Because Lindsay was pushing back so hard on these "needless" inspections, Darwin was frustrated. A frustrated Darwin is not a pleasant sight. "Am I being unreasonable?"  he asked me. 

"You are living in Southeast Florida. The roof is 22 years old. Hurricane season is right around the corner. Are you concerned about the roof?" I asked. Yes, he was. "Ok, you are spending three cases of Maker's Mark and 5 dozen blueberry muffins on a house. It is your pastries. You spend it any way you want. It is Lindsay's job to obey your wishes and work in your best interests."  

Except, as of close of business Friday (day 2) Lindsay hadn't bothered to set anything up. When Darwin asked her what happened if his inspection period ran out and he didn't finish doing his due diligence, Lindsay the 24 year old replied, "We will just ask for more time." 

"There are back up offers on this house. What if the sellers don't grant us more time?" Darwin asked her (repeating my question I asked of him). 

Darwin tells me she said--and I am not making this up--"Oh, I hadn't thought about that." 

That's when I found out what he agreed to in his contract. In addition to a 7 day inspection period (in Florida it is customary to have a 15 day), Darwin also agreed that his earnest money of 16 French Silk Pies is non-refundable. There's more! Then, Darwin agreed to put down his entire case of Maker's Mark, 47 cannolis, 14 strawberry blintzes and 15 pepperoni pizzas--all of which will be non-refundable on Wednesday of next week. 

"You agreed to this!" I squeaked! 

"Lindsay said I had to," was his resigned reply. 

"There is no 'have to'!" I said in my emphatic Big Girl Broker Voice (tm). "The seller just wanted to make sure you were all in. That could have been negotiated down to something along the lines of a baker's dozen chocolate chip cookies each week because the seller doesn't truly benefit unless you walk. And now if you walk away from the sale because you don't get more time to finish your inspections, guess what! The seller can take your pastries on Wednesday." 

We were having this chat 6 p.m. last Friday night. I transitioned to my Bossy Big Sister Voice (tm) and told him to call the broker. "I don't have his number," Darwin said. Though I was looking all over the Florida Department of Real Estate's Web site and a few real estate social media sites, I couldn't find his phone number either (but the broker's birthday is July 22). So, I told him to call Lindsay and remind her of her fiduciary duties. One of which is obedience. Tell her to have the broker immediately call him. Call every 15 minutes if necessary. Keep calling. Blow up ever agent's phone in that brokerage if you have to. 

I didn't tell Darwin that this is a significant liability nightmare for the broker and the broker needs to step up before it ends up costing a lot of dough.    

To be continued 

Adventures in Florida Real Estate Part 1

My brother recently sold his house in Los Angeles and moved to Miami. In the interest of keeping his privacy, let's just say his profit was 12 chocolate chip cookies, 2 apple pies, 16 fudge brownies, 19 blueberry muffins and a 6 cases of Maker's Mark.

Darwin* and his wife are now buying a home in Miami. Last week they put in an offer and managed to get the winning bid. His agent came from a friend of my sister-in-law's family who live in New York City and, like all good Italians, "know people." That agent, missing the obvious implication that a ready, willing and able buyer who was about to be homeless and just fell into his lap and passed Darwin and his wife off on Lindsay, a 24 year old new agent. 

Darwin's baseline is easy-going and low-key Type B. Except this week. You see, Darwin is buying a home in the frenzied Miami market. When he called me last Sunday, he was psyched. His agent found him "the" house on their first day looking.  

Now then, what should he offer? As I don't know Florida real estate and I would like to keep my license, I told him that he should ask his agent.  

His agent said she didn't know what he should offer either. Perhaps what would be best is if Darwin,  "sleeps on it" to decide whether or not they wanted the home. Darwin, the enterprising sort, did not want to sleep on it and possibly lose out on this house. So, he called his fabulous Los Angeles agent who got him the bakery and liquor store profit and helped him word the offer. Lindsay was so impressed by the California agent's verbiage, she stole it and hence, a contract was written.

There were seven offers on the house. The seller countered back to two of them. Darwin was the winner. However, Lindsay did not explain the contract to my brother and sister-in-law. From what I understand, she basically sent him a docusign and told him that if he wanted the house he would agree to whatever the terms were, and sign here. 

And now, our story starts. 

To be continued.  

*Darwin doesn't know this blog exists. If he did, he would kill me for using his childhood nickname. However, my other brother's childhood nickname was "Squirrel," so Darwin got the better end of the deal.