A Hot Mess

I can totally relate

Last week Beth swung by and we went over what I will be teaching in our upcoming class. The six-hour class is called "Contract Writing Boot Camp" and it is required by all new AZ real estate pre-licensees to take this before the Department will issue them their license.

Beth asked me what I wanted to cover, giving me carte blanche to do anything I wanted. I think she figured I would take a 10-minute segment here and there. That's sort of what I thought too. However, somehow I managed to commit to the first three hours of instruction.

I am not prepared.

I am freaking out.

I can't sleep.

And this is what I said I wanted. Right?

For the next four days, I am going to work on my presentation. Fortunately, Beth already has a slide show together (that I am modifying because apparently I can't leave well-enough alone). I know I will be ready when the time comes, but right now I am a hot mess.

A Roof Over the Head is Worth Eight Unknowns

My first clients when I started my accidental business two years ago were JC and Carlie. They wanted to rent and quickly found out they had no negotiating power whatsoever. In the end they signed a two year lease for a very adorable three bedroom townhome. They have lived there, treating it as if it was their own. The rent is on time. The landlord didn't squawk when they got a 13 pound dog. The landord also put on a new garage door for them. So, win-win, right?

JC called me yesterday. He just got a notice his rent was going up $55 next month with a new lease, which is the exact amount the property taxes went up this past year. He is livid and has decided he and Carlie need to move ASAP.

And here is why I am the world's worst salesperson.

No. They don't need to move to another rental. They will spend more than $660 (the price of the yearly rental increase) in moving expenses alone. Please couple that with application fees, credit check fees, deposits and whatever else necessary to secure a new house. And by the way, it will be for a smaller home and not nearly as charming as what they have now. Plus, now they have a dog, so they will be competing for homes with people who don't have pets. Besides, they are currently paying market rent at the new rental rate so it isn't like there are super-awesome bargains out there for them to snatch. And if there were, 26 other soon-to-be-homeless folks (who probably don't have pets) will be vying for the exact same house. But what do I know?

Anyway, I set them up on an E-mail drip, letting them see all the grand and available rental homes in the East Valley. I found a whopping 8--which is 7 more than I expected. They were all smaller and in uglier parts of town--not that I can pick their neighborhood for them, but all they need to do is pay attention to see for themselves.

I suspect I won't hear back, with them begrudgingly signing another lease. They were annoyed with me last time for not going to bat for them--they got the house! And I can't imagine they will be terribly excited this time either. But they have a roof over their head and a super-cute place to call home.


You can read their tale, here: https://adventureswithrealestate.blogspot.com/2018/01/jc-master-negotiator.html
and this one too where they ripped my head off:
 https://adventureswithrealestate.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-rental-lottery.html

Bliz Update

Bliz is cancer-free!!!!! 

No additional treatment is needed!

Booyah!

The Christmas Desk

This is what we found at Goodwill. Of note, the small drawers are not
the same kind of wood as the larger drawers or the sides. 

This is what Buckaroo and I transformed it into. There was a long and heated philosophical discussion about why we needed different drawer pulls. 

The boys still don't understand. Polly thanked me for sticking to my guns on this one. 

This is what it looks like in Polly's room. 

Not to shabby. 

Jane's Real Estate Adventure

Last weekend, Jane and Mr. Jane bought a house in another state. They are moving in a few weeks. I am excited for them, but sad for me.

I will miss discussing our children (and her one grandchild on the way), how she is the older and wiser one--by 9 days--and I am the younger and clever one. I will miss discussing our pets and husbands and everyday life. I will miss talking about real estate and some of the strange adventures we took. I will miss her threats to throat punch me when I make a snarky comment once in a while all the time.

I will just miss her.

But one can't be friends for 46+ years and worry that it will be over with a few miles between us. Hopefully my next adventure with her will be a trip to visit some time soon.

Update to December's Adventures

Marty dragged me to thrift stores today to look for potential tables/desks/chairs that may or may not need to be refinished. It is there I discovered his obsession with me refinishing furniture is getting out of hand. Marty also discovered I think most of the furniture in thrift stores is chrome-plated crap. I turned it all down. However, there is one stool that caught my eye. I might go back next week on half-off day and pick it up. Maybe.

Also of note, I declined to move forward with the 2020 Leadership program and gave my notice today.

In other news... there is no other news.

Merry Christmas.

Happy Birthday Bonus Dad.

Peace Out y'all.

Adventures in December

Though I am sorry this sale fell through, I am not sorry to have the time to just cave at home (plus, it wasn't right for my clients).  I am not the best at self-care, and I think listening to my own needs is becoming a greater priority as I get older.  At this point, I am seriously threatening to turn off my phone for two weeks. That is, unless you are someone I like, then I will keep my phone on for you.

______________________

Bliz got word from her doctor, the cancer had not spread to her lymph nodes, but she is refusing to celebrate until she gets word from the oncologist she doesn't need further treatment. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas came for me the day she shared this.

______________________

Buckaroo and I have taken on a monumental project for Polly's Christmas present. We are refinishing a desk. It isn't just a desk, it is a desk with about 10,000 drawers, made of 20,000 kinds of wood. We refinished the top and are painting the sides and drawers (because the top and the drawer wood doesn't match from one drawer to another, so the stain comes out as different colors). The $25 Goodwill desk is becoming a very expensive Goodwill desk, as we didn't really have any supplies to begin with. Of note, Marty had no idea I knew anything about how to refinish furniture. He is now under some crazy and mistaken impression that I should ditch the entire real estate thing and refinish furniture for a living. I don't think he is joking.

______________________

I was nominated for a leadership program at the local realtor association. Interviews are scheduled for early January. If selected, the program comes with a time and money commitment. It isn't terribly expensive, but the money was coming out of my business account, not the family account. This sale not going through means that my business account is a bit light. I am deciding if I want to continue with this process and roll the dice I can make this happen. Or, should I beg off, knowing that the funds aren't really readily available and it wasn't meant to be. I am giving myself until Monday to decide. But I think I am leaning towards begging off. Perhaps skipping this will give me more time for furniture refinishing or self-care. 

The Number 1 Rule in Real Estate

I have a sale that is going South. It might be salvageable, but my clients aren't interested. They have their reasons, and I understand and support them. It isn't my house. It isn't my money. They have every right to make the logical and well-thought out decision they are making. And frankly making it now, before closing, is probably a smaller headache than making it after they move in.

I love these clients. They are some of my favorites of all time. They have bought a couple of homes from me. I want the absolute best for them, even if it isn't the best for me. However, it is a week before Christmas. It is two weeks before 2020. In my head, I spent the commission money on practical things, such as paying my (required) dues so that I have access to the MLS, paying my E&O (malpractice insurance)--both due December 31. I also hypothetically spent it on a new-to-them used car for the kids. And the rest of the hypothetical commission, I put in the bank.

We are financially fine. We will survive. If this is the worst that happens to me this year, my life is blessed--which it is.

Buckaroo, who thinks he wants to get into real estate when he turns 18, has been shadowing me lately. Today he learned the number 1 rule in real estate today: never count on a sale until it closes.

He also learned the number 2 rule in real estate: obey your clients. Actually, that is probably the number 1 rule, but it isn't as tangible. My wonderful clients hired me to work for them. I am to do what they say (within the confines of the law). This is what they want. I re-read the contract to them. I verified what their recourse is. I explained what "breach of contract" means. My conscience is clear.

Incidentally, my awesome clients actually apologized for backing out, telling me they regret I wasn't getting compensated (because it didn't close). It was sweet of them to think of me. But I would never want anyone to spend any amount of money just to make the realtor happy. We agents know the risks. The way to manage the risk is to follow rule number 1.

News

I have my first teaching gig scheduled! Beth is letting me team teach her contract class next month. This is huge!!!


In other news, my broker friend, Kaye, got a new sewing machine. She made this for me as a gift for my first class.

It says, "O' Lord, please fill my mouth with worthwihile stuff and nudge me when I've said enough.  --Speaker's Prayer" 

The GRI Business Plan

My last class for GRI was to write a business plan. I had a format to follow and was to abide by their silly confines. I hated every moment of that dumb class. If I want to increase my sales by this much, I need to make this many calls. Otherwise, according to the constructs of the assignment, I was not going to be an "achiever."

"What if I don't want to increase my sales next year?" I said to Marty. I had been working on the stupid plan for hours and was befuddled as to why I was cranky.

"So make your plan what you want to do instead." He replied.

Well, duh. How obvious was that? And how did I miss something so simple?

It has been said by more than one well-meaning friend that my former Accidental Business broke me. That may be the case, but I am ready to be put back together.

My real buiness plan is somewhat different that the drivel I was asked to put assemble and it fits me much better. What I want to do is transition into other meaningful areas of life. I want to teach more and be home more. I want to connect to the people I love. I want to rid my world of ugliness and dysfunction. I want to write and have actual real hobbies. I want to go to Montana, Missouri, Michigan and Idaho next year. And maybe California to see my brother. I want to read, learn and grow.

When I started looking at this seriously, I realized I don't want to leave real estate. And frankly, if I am teaching, I probably need to stay purposely involved in sales to some level. How involved I want to be is actually something else to explore, consider it a sub-set of my business/life-plan. However, I want to deal with the kinds of clients I want, and not the toxic nitwits like Inga, Landon and Dawn. "What does it say when I would rather work with Dee and her Merry Band of Felons than family 'friends' like Landon and Dawn or repeat clients like Inga?" I asked Marty.

His answer wasn't very polite. But he wasn't wrong. I have been doing this too long to let those bozos break me.

Wining

Jane Owes Me 

"You are going dressed like that?" Jane asked, one eyebrow slightly extended. I looked down, it was my normal Thursday uniform: jeans, sneakers and my favorite sweater over a t-shirt. I mean, Buckaroo, who is the one who sees me most often on Thursday afternoons didn't care, why should Jane? And I conveyed that sentiment to her.

"Well, it is a $1.5 million dollar house..." was her response. Yes, it is true, we were going to an open house. I have been to several in my life. I wasn't buying the house. I didn't have any clients who would be seeing me, and to my knowledge we were going to zip in and out of her fellow agent's open house grand debut, so what's the big deal? But then I looked at Jane, who was uncharacteristically out of her Thursday uniform and was even wearing make-up and decided I could slap on some deodorant, change my top and add lip gloss on one end an my ankle-books on the other if that would make her happy.

It wasn't an actual open house, by the way. It was a Tupperware-type party wine-tasting event thrown by some agent at Mrs. Hufflepuff's (Jane's) brokerage who was using her million and a half dollar listing as the backdrop. Invited were fellow agents and friends of Mrs. H. and Jane who all knew each other. I knew several of them from absorption into their world, so I was able to hold my own. It was exceptionally nice because I was next to one of Mrs. H's fellow owners who claimed (when asked) her favorite wine is Budweiser. So, me saying my favorite is Blue Moon was in line with the humor. I also mentioned I had a delightfully fruity Merlot recently (which I shared with Bliz's mom, while watching the World Series in Wilcox AZ). Everyone oohhed and ahhhed over my comment in a cringy, pretentious way. I highly doubt they could tell the difference between a fruity Merlot and a box of Costco red.

As with any event where Mrs. Hufflepuff attends, I was slightly concerned. You see Mrs. Hufflepuff draws her self-worth from talking about others. I purposely don't share my life with her because I don't need perfect strangers finding out my business. Unfortunately, Jane discovered Mrs. H's gossip habit the hard way. So, I was careful how many sips I took because I may have been in friendly company, but I wasn't in a room of friends.

Anyway back to the Tupperware-type party wine tasting hell (which Jane had totally neglected to mention was the reason she wanted me to go), there was the wine hostess who had us taste six wines, all paired with certain cheeses and chocolates. Each wine came with a pedigree and a long story about the farmers who toiled endlessly in the fields abut to the Andes, or Pyrenees, or next to the Rhine. We were educated on all sorts of wine  facts, which were interesting. We were to swish, smell, sip and savor each wine and rate them. At the end, there was an order form where we could order a case of our favorite bottles for the low, low price of something worthy of holding this Tupperware-type wine-tasting party in a million and a half dollar abode. Allegedly, a portion of the sales would be given to a charity of some sort. However, I didn't buy any cases.

I had the most corks (right answers)
which gives me bragging rights. 

There was also a trivia contest, and I won because I am a good guesser and I know world history. Pro-tip: wine has been around before grapes were commercially planted in France. I won a wine stopper. I will use that next time I open a bottle of Blue Moon.

The house, by the way, was nice for a Scottsdale property. The yard was lovely. The flooring pretty. I haven't run comparables, but given the zip code, it is probably in line with what it is being offered for. If the same home was in my neighborhood, it would go for significantly less. And I only mention it, because it had the same number of rooms and size as my home.

The open house made the agent look good in the eyes of the owner (who may or may not have known about the Tupperware-type party wine tasting). She was able to tell the owner she had fifteen people come through--which isn't a lie. And though I was totally annoyed with Jane--and make no mistake, revenge will be mine--I know the reason she misled me. There is no way I would have considered going in the first place if I knew I had to spend an afternoon at this hen party. And no doubt she didn't want to go by herself.

Post Bliz Report

No real update on Bliz, other than surgery was shorter than expected and according to lots of local sources, her surgeon was exceptional. Mr. Bliz sent me text messages updates. Bliz's Mama sent me the same messages. I passed them along to the four folks Bliz asked me to contact on her behalf.

She is up and walking but feels like she did two million situps. She is being released tomorrow. The pathology results won't be in a for a  #^&%*! week.

Bliz

I didn't ask Bliz if I could post this, but she put it on Facebook so I am assuming I can throw it out there to my three readers.

Bliz has colon cancer. Today she is having surgery. While I feel totally helpless, I know it is nothing compared to the complete and utter befuddlement she is dealing with.

Please if you are the praying type, say a good word for her. If you are the positive vibes type, please use those powers too.

Thanks.

Graduate, Realtor Institute

I am now a GRI! Woot!

Bad MLS Pictures

Once again, I question agents who can't take simple precautions if they insist on taking their own photos for the MLS. But for the most part, I totally recommend agents hire a photographer. And if the agent refuses to do right by their client pay for professional photos, then at least, have the decency to take the picture of the space in the best light. And let's be fair, not every photo taken must make it into the MLS. 

Here's an easy one: TURN OFF THE TELEVISION

Or perhaps not let the potential buyer see how small the room could be. 

Or that there is no landscaping. Love the shadow by the way. 

Everyone together: MOVE THE BUCKET!

Filters are not always the best answer. 

And here is why filters aren't always the best answer. It doesn't change the scenery. It just makes it seem like the buyer might possibly have ingested too many mushrooms prior to looking at house pictures. (for the record, it isn't the mushrooms, it is the photo). 

Incidentally, this is the same house as above, sans the filter. 

Inga's floor looked eeirly similar to this floor. I did two things: 1) I ordered her to get a few area rugs (which she removed prior to the home inspection--no misrepresentation there).

2) I didn't put pictures of the floor in MLS.

A little paint might make the room feel a wee less... creepy? 

Clearly this homeowner painted. Clearly this agent couldn't move the ladder. 

The last several photos are from a home less than a mile from me. The MLS remarks say there could, possibly be a "strong cat smell." Also, every agent and client is required to sign a hold harmless agreement prior to entering the property. Marty grew up in a hoarding household. It bothers him to no end. I understand why. It is an illness. It is terrible, with the hoarder trapped by their own need for security. I am not making light of this. 

What I would like to point out is that 1) the agent didn't need to take the listing. After all, this is not an easy property to sell given the circumstances and 2) these photos did not need to go on MLS. I only picked out four of the 40+ photos that look pretty much just like this. I am not sure it does the seller a service to show the home this way.

The agent could have taken an exterior shot and called it a day.