Of Dads and Laughing

My father peacefully passed away early Saturday morning. Darwin and I managed to get there--we were told he waited for us. I was with him when he left this Earth, which was my wish. I didn't want him to die alone. 

I hope he is laughing with his brothers, hugging his mother, petting his cat, walking around Heaven without the use of a cane and in general, feeling whole again. 

Darwin, Squirrel and I spent the hours waiting for the hospice nurse and the funeral home laughing and singing "Soft Kitty"* to each other as a form of comfort. Some people deal with grief in big blotchy tears (I did with Bonus Mom), but in our case, my brothers and I cracked rapid-fire jokes and smiled in the fashion of an impromptu (dry) Irish wake--the way Dad would have wanted. 

*"Soft Kitty" is a silly song from The Big Bang Theory. Here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-qra604RbU

Of Fathers and Funerals

Simon The Social Worker from Hospice hospice called me Thursday. I was at Caesar's Palace, with my work team. We were heading to lunch. I'd already been an emotional drag with my new co-workers for the past few days and Simon's call did nothing to lighten my mood. 

The reason he called me was because while he was talking to my brother, Squirrel got so choked up he asked Simon to call me. Simon's big question was how could he help with Dad's funeral arrangements? As soon as he said, "funeral," we found out that Squirrel's condition was hereditary, because I could no longer talk and my eyes were leaking. It was the first anyone had uttered the word, "funeral." 

I've been to funerals. I know what happens at them. But it is one of those events that other people coordinate. And, as far as I was concerned, before Thursday, they just magically happen when the need arises. 

Simon and I parted ways, with the understanding we would regroup later that day. In the mean time, I stared at my lunch and tried to listen carefully to my coworkers as I mulled around Simon's question. When I got back to the hotel, I called the Smartest Man in the World, Bonus Dad, who filled me in on what I needed to do. He has had to coordinate one funeral before (Bonus Mom's), so he was my expert. And, he was very helpful. 

I also called my mother (and may have gotten a tad bit cranky with her) who gave me her perspective on what she thought Dad's wishes would be in this area. Her perspective aligned with Squirrel's and mine. We didn't consult Darwin. He and I will be arriving in Phoenix an hour apart today, we can discuss then. 

As I write this, Dad is still with us. Squirrel told me a few days ago that Dad didn't have a week left. I was walking through a casino at that moment too. Everyone thinks Dad is holding out right now for Darwin and I to arrive. Time will tell. 

Most likely I won't have the right resources to blog for the next several days. I expect to be sleeping on Dad's couch until he passes. I only brought a few professional clothes for my conference because this was totally unplanned. I certainly didn't bring anything comfortable to last me a week or two. There are solutions for that. I only wish there was a solution to help my father. 

I want to share one more item: I spoke with Bonus Dad earlier in the day as well, he said something about, "understanding" if Squirrel and Darwin didn't feel that Bonus Dad was qualified to be considered "family." I darn near coughed up my iced tea, but assured him NOTHING could be further from the truth. ("You are my people, Bonus Dad--never forget that."). Later, I spoke with Darwin and told him what Bonus Dad said. Darwin's automatic reply was, "What is he talking about?? He's been family since 1986!" 

Dad

I am in Vegas. I just bought my plane ticket to Phoenix for this Friday to make a mad-dash to to say good-bye to my father. He started declining Sunday and I made the decision Tuesday night to call hospice. Hopefully I will arrive in time to say good-bye. It's ok if I don't. I've said everything I need to say to my Dad. But I'd like to hold his hand one more time if I can. 

The other part that really sucks about this is that Tuesday when all of this came down, I snuck away to my hotel room, picked up the phone and automatically dialed Bonus Mom, because that's who I call when life gets too hard and icky for me. Hopefully she is ready to greet Dad at Heaven's door. 

Connected

I received a request to help out an Arizona brokerage with some issues they are having. They want me to consult. Before I take them on, I need to talk with a friend who works for the Department of Real Estate. I have concerns that what they are doing isn't in the up-and-up. And frankly, if I have to ask if they are legit, I pretty much know my answer. But I will wait until my friend gets back to me. 

Last week I was marveling at how connected Tessa was. She introduced me to her personal banker and the bank president--who sent me a text later, saying it was nice to meet me. ME!? Tessa knew three or four of the applicants for the bookkeeper, but stayed out of my hiring decision (except for one). She has graciously offered advice where I can go for this and that and had her plumber stop by just so he can tell me he doesn't have time to take on my bathroom remodel job (but that wasn't the response Tessa was looking for. That's ok). 

As I was telling Marty that Tessa knows everyone, he pointed out I had similar connections in Phoenix. Maybe I did. Even since I have moved to Texas, I've had friends asking me where I can find a painter/plumber and roofer. I know where to find this and that. My Arizona attorney always calls me back when I have questions. My accountant and hair stylist are waiting to see me in two weeks. Even Dad's doctor takes a spare moment or two out of his day to keep me in the loop. Maybe the big difference is that I don't have a personal banker.  

Abby's First Week

Bonus Dad was an engineering manager for an aerospace company for many years. He once told me the first piece of information he'd tell new employees was not to be afraid to make a mistake. 

Those words came back to me Friday when I was talking with Abby. You see, next week--her second week on the job--she will be alone in the office while the rest of us are in Las Vegas. She's nervous. Terrified really. 

I said to her: "If I thought for a moment you couldn't handle things here while we were gone, I would have changed your hire date to February 28 or I would have picked someone else." Abby timidly smiled and thanked me. 

Then, I remembered Bonus Dad's wisdom from years gone by. I said, "I give you permission to make mistakes." And Abby's face completely changed. She relaxed and for the first time all week she seemed confident.  

  

Small Town Problems

Every single utility company cashed my payment and then sent me a disconnect notice. 

EVERY SINGLE ONE!

The water company. 

The electric company. 

The gas company.

Of course, these companies don't pay me to spend hours on the phone trying to resolve their accounting missteps. That's on me. But they are willing to take my money. 

They all told me to "disregard the notice." That's well and good, but I paid them all long before the due date and the least they could do is figure out their books before they threaten to cut off my services and make me jump through hoops. Nor were they willing to tell me what I could do to avoid this kind of thing in the future. 

The Ol'e Brokerage Update

It's been two weeks at the ol'e Brokerage and I'm still having a blast. I hired Abby, which was a no-brainer. I also called Leah, who is an agent I interviewed for the same position, and told her if I could do anything personally to help her in her real estate career, let me know. I liked her. But Abby was the clear winner.  

There have been a few ups and downs. I can't get out of going to Vegas for the big corporate pow-wow. Of the folks going, I am pretty sure I'm the only one with "big city" experience. The rest of the gang grew up in rural Texas and Arkansas thinks of Vegas as glamorous. 

I did score a major victory on the Vegas front: Up until yesterday, I was supposed to room with Tessa. Tessa was insisting on it, even though I offered to stay at the Hampton Inn off the Strip and, at my own expense, just Uber in for the conference--just to get out of bunking with her. I even offered just not to go--which would have been fine by me. I mean, Tessa's all kinds of wonderful and all, but she's my boss and about as Type-A as I am. However, Fate intervened, someone backed out of the trip for health reasons and a hotel room opened. I'm now sharing with an agent who is more my style.  

In an effort to deal with the maddening idea of having to do this trip, stay with Tessa (whew) and go to the corporate meet and greet at some famous Vegas night club that Tessa is insisting we go to, I called my AZ doctor and got some more anti-anxiety meds. That should get me through the week, especially if I decide to candidly walk into a shellfish restaurant an hour before the meet and greet and/or suddenly come down with a migraine right before the big event. But I don't see me at a Vegas night club. 

One of the great things about this position is that I negotiated all the time off I could muster to head to Arizona to take care of my dad. I leave a week after Vegas to go Arizona. When I saw how much plane tickets were costing ($800 on Southwest!) I opted to drive. When I told Tessa I would be gone a couple extra days to make up for the driving, she actually used her frequent flyer miles and got me a ticket. I am still floored and totally touched by her kindness. 

But I'm still not going to the Vegas meet and greet at the night club. 

   

Solar Powered

 According to Puxatwany Phil, we have 6 more weeks of winter. According to the Farmer's Almanac spring is only moments away, however, expect lots more rain. Lots more. I'm cheering for the Almanac over the groundhog. 

As I write this the weather app on my phone tells me it will be 45 degrees by 2 p.m. and hopefully the clouds will part. That's good, because I need to go for a walk and get some sunshine. My SAD lamp is all kinds of awesome, but it doesn't substitute well for the real thing. There are some things about Arizona I miss, sunshine is one of them. 

My Broker Pal Sally and the Rest of You

I spoke with my Broker Pal, Sally, Wednesday. We talked shop. We talked about her audit paperwork. We laughed about Tessa's frenetic broker energy, which we both can relate to. 

Sally has a project for me that I have the ability to help her with because I have an Arizona license and know a thing or two about writing. I'm so excited! Us talking real estate, like we did in the old days, was cathartic. I felt useful and needed.  

Not gonna lie, it's been lonely here in Texas. I'm beyond grateful to my Arizona friends (and that means you who are reading this) for reaching out when I didn't know I needed you to reach out. Thank you.  

Random Texarkana, The Lingo Addition

 Last week the vet's assistant announced that I wasn't from "around here." He could tell because of my "thick accent." 

_______________

The plumber just called me "Sweetie." Normally I'd be miffed and he would not be my plumber. Ever. However, at this point, I'm getting used to everyone referring to me as, "Sweetie," "Darl'n," "Honey" and "Missy." I'm realizing it is just a cultural thing and those words seem to have less syllables than my (normally) two syllable first name, which seems to be about five to six syllables when the locals say it. 

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One of our agents had a personal dilemma. I automatically said, "Oh bless your heart," and put my hand to my chest in the gracious, I'm-so-sorry-that-happened-to-you-what-can-I-do-to-help way. It is a totally different dialect than the, "Oh bless your heart," in the how-stupid-can-you-be way, that I give to big city motorists. 

More Interviews

Here's the gist: as we are streamlining some processes, I am not convinced we need another staff member, especially a bookkeeper. Some of the current staff agrees. Tessa is on the fence and she has to pay for someone, so it is her decision. 

Anyway, we had a pow-wow yesterday morning and this topic came up. It was decided the interviews would continue and then a decision would be made. 

First was Abby. She doesn't have baggage. Tessa did sell her a house, but (according to Tessa) it was a pleasant experience. She interviewed well. She would be ok with part time. She has the qualifications and she has a personality I think I could work with. She is the strongest candidate we've had and I will call her back for a second interview if we go forward. 

Then there was Kimmy. I loved Kimmy! Kimmy is fresh out of college and was so nervous, she was shaking.  She showed up 40 minutes early. She is ambitious, articulate and interesting. But she has zero experience except for a few college projects. I was that girl once and I've always wanted to help and mentor the Kimmys of the world because there were people who helped me. However, I have zero local professional contacts and there are probably employment laws, Equal Opportunity Laws or other societal norms in place that would make it difficult for me to reach out under the circumstances. But half-way through the interview, I wanted to show her what to do to her resume and help her apply at the local credit union for their bookkeeper position. 

Perhaps once I've sent rejection letters out I will reach out to Kimmy and tell her about the credit union job.  

The Interviewing Chronicles

My first and currently most pressing task as Operations Manager of the Ol'e Brokerage is to find a bookkeeper. As this week has progressed, I'm not sure I truly want a bookkeeper any more. 

Tessa asked me to interview Leah. Leah is a wonderful person in our office. Initially I didn't want her. She's an agent. She has bookkeeping skills. Will she get bored and realize she can make more money selling homes? She'd be in a compromising position, knowing Tessa's financial status and the commissions of every agent. How would that inside knowledge be treated by her? I granted her a courtesy interview, figuring I would then be able to give Tessa all the reasons Leah wouldn't work.  

However, once I interviewed Leah, I changed my mind. She's perfect. In addition to being everything I know I wanted for this position (clerk and bookkeeper) I would be able to get along with her--which is also high on my list of qualifications. She doesn't really want to sell houses and kind of does it for a side hustle while she works as a bookkeeper for a friend of hers. She'd like to loose the friend-of-hers job and find something a bit more consistent with the real estate side hustle. She's older, more seasoned and not into drama. Confidentiality wouldn't be an issue. I liked her more than I should have.  

Then Tessa changed her mind. She didn't want an agent from the office for all the same reasons I initially didn't want her. We've gone round and round on Leah and I know I just need to whip through the five stages of grief and move on. Bummer. 

Then, I interviewed two more. The first one had great qualifications and interviewed well. If I ever get through with these interviews, she would be one I'd call her back for a second run. 

Or I would have called her back until I found out she had been Tessa's rental client last year. This woman's behavior cost Tessa a lot of money and Tessa lost a contract with a long-time and prolific landlord client who had been a regular source of Tessa's income. Tessa had nothing positive to say when she found out this woman interviewed with me. Given my opinion of entitled tenants who lie and mislead--and I could see this woman being that kind of person--she's my PTSD'd induced nope. 

In addition to Leah (my favorite and qualified) I also spent an hour with Kristy. Kristy is part of the Chamber of Commerce, Toastmasters, Kiwanis, and several other civic organizations. She is a Girl Scout mom, a past Junior League president and the list goes on. She does this and also finds time to raise four kids. She'd be bored in this job in three months, tops. 

This coming week I have a few more interviews. None sound as wonderful as Leah. So, now I'm looking for a clerk/bookkeeper who doesn't have too much ambition, hasn't previously annoyed Tessa and isn't Leah. Tall order. 

Here's to Another Five Presidents

I had to go clothes shopping last weekend. There were three reasons for this: 

1. My shoe broke. While I was trying to glue it back together, Marty asked how old the shoes were. I guestimated I bought them in 1993 when I went to work for the March of Dimes. But, they could be older than that. Plus, the one pair of slacks I've been wearing this week date back to the second Clinton administration.

2. Most of my professional ("realtor") clothes are scattered around the Mesa area Goodwills, as I donated most everything (except the Clinton-era slacks) because I wasn't going to work when I got to Texas. 

3. After I accepted the job from Tessa she said in a roundabout way, that she expected her Operations Manager to look like a manager and not a clerical assistant. That's me paraphrasing. What she said was, "Y'all got any other pants?" I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans. And, I speak enough Southern to get the gist. 

When I went to buy shoes on Saturday, the clerk sadly reported they weren't on sale. I told her that was ok. I'd get 30 years out of them. 

I'm Not Making This Up

I live in a metro area of about 60,000. It isn't like I'm in complete Hickville, but maybe I am. This was on the Next Door App today: 

"Ok about 11 tonight a young mule found its way to our property my dogs alerted me of him he followed me into a safety pen I have setup and ready for animals such as him but if he is yours hit me up."

Seven Weeks

I drew a picture for my nephew.
He likes robots. 

It's been seven weeks since the Sunshine family became Texans. 

We learned that drivers can drive at safe speeds, that the price of gasoline is under $3 a gallon in some parts of the world, and yet the cost of a gallon of milk is over $4. We discovered there are a group of indigenous people who put mayo on hamburgers--because they think it tastes good. Scratch that, they put mayo on everything (mayo is gross). We also found out that it is much harder to get supplies than I expected. Big cities have their place in the world. But then again, so do small cities.  

We also had a crash course on weather. It was 60 degrees on Wednesday! 60 DEGREES!!!! Yesterday, Buck and Polly's school was closed, the bank was closed and Marty's office sent folks home at noon. Why? Because a storm was a brewing. 

Today, we woke up to this. To be fair, there's A LOT of ice under that dusting of snow. That's the real danger.