It has been several months since I managed to piss off and offend a bunch of Karens mentioned to the Ladies Auxiliary that we, as a church community could do more to make our new church members feel welcome. In that time, the Ladies Auxiliary has been strangely polite to me, as if they just don't quite understand how to take me. Honestly, I intended no harm but I did want to help my church make new members feel welcome. Also, since then, I've gone to the Church of Christ church and seen glowing examples of how to make newcomers feel like part of the community. I'd mention these examples to this group, but I am pretty sure it would just open a raw wound.
Meanwhile, I'm under the distinct impression these women just don't know what to do with me. After all, if they acknowledge to my face that I offended them (which I assure you was completely unintentional--I even had suggestions like we could reach out to new members--not me, mind you, but other new people in our church--and, you know, call them and say hello and welcome!), they would have to acknowledge they are cliquish, which they are. If they do nothing, then they would have to admit they have all the help they need and can officially stop complaining how nobody is joining and wanting to assist their committees. But either way, my comment made things a bit awkward.
I noticed the shift in April. A last minute group text went out, changing our meeting date and time. The new date and time just so happened to coincide with the day of my hand surgery. When I texted the group back, saying I couldn't make it because I was having surgery, I got a reply of, "well, if you change your mind, come join us."* Because I can be in two places at once or because surgery is a mere suggestion?
In May, the group text came out saying the meeting date was changed to while I was in Arizona. I sent a text saying, "sorry, I'm in Arizona. See you in June." I was never given notes, minutes or follow up from either meeting. I wasn't the only one replying, nor was I the only one missing the meetings.
If there was a June meeting, I wasn't sent a text. I did hear after the fact the Ladies Auxiliary handled the church picnic and a trivia night. Neither were mentioned to me. Nor was I asked to participate. I read the bulletin, so I knew both were happening (the Sunshines attended neither), but nobody said the Ladies Auxiliary were in charge (there are several groups which could have spearheaded this).
When a group text came out asking for cleaning next month, I responded with: "I can help out on July 13." Then crickets. Several texts later, Rene said, "July 13th works for me." A response promptly came, "Rene, thanks! I'll put you down."
This week there is a big hoopla Thursday night. When Margie asked for volunteers, I wrote, "I'm free, please put me down where you need me," and meant it. Margie replied in the group text giving me the worst of the worst job (8:30 p.m. clean up at the church BY MYSELF). Figuring 1) I'd enlist Polly's help, 2) It couldn't be that hard if they only needed one person, I replied to the group text with a, "Happy to help. Thanks!" However, when the group text came out yesterday as a reminder of everyone's role, I wasn't on the list. Two people are now handling the clean up. Was I fired or was it a typo and I am one of the two cleaning up? Polly and I will be at the church at that time anyway tomorrow night, so we'll help out.
I'd say the writing is on the wall. However, now that I mentioned my concerns last winter, these women seem to go out of their way to be awkwardly nice to me. I mean, it feels genuine, but then again, I do have a skeptical eyebrow raised. Lisa rushed across the vestibule two weeks ago to greet me. Margie hugged me Sunday after mass (though honestly, I didn't want a hug). Jess, just sent me a Facebook friend request. I certainly hope they are going out of their way to treat other newcomers the same way.
Then there's this: Catholic Ladies Auxiliary Cassie asked Church of Christ Patty about me. This comes from Patty. Cassie apparently noticed Patty and I were FB friends--though Cassie and I aren't. Patty tells me--and I'm not making this up--she wanted the inside scoop on why I hang out with the Church of Christ crowd.
While I'm still a member of the local Catholic church, I'd like to be involved. Being part of this group might be a way to do so. But, maybe not. Hoping to set an example, I've taken on being more welcoming with new folks at my church, because I can do that. Even if these women aren't interested in doing their part, I can still do what I stand for.
I just hope this bunch gets over themselves.
*When I had my surgery, my Church of Christ friends went out of their way for me. One called Polly, asking for updates and then gave the updates to everyone else. One sent over a Door Dash gift card. Several others offered to bring over meals (no thank you). I was inundated with phone calls, texts and social media messages for two weeks, asking for updates and offers for everything from coming over to keep me company to running errands--all this for outpatient hand surgery! I certainly didn't expect my church community to go to this kind of effort, but perhaps for the next person who mentions they are having a medical procedure they could do more than, "if you change your mind..."
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