The Secret Shopping Expedition

My broker pal, Sally, called me. She needed a secret shopper to go to her listing and then give her feedback. Easy enough. Agents do this for each other all the time. This isn't my first secret shopper excursion and I've asked many agents for similar favors. 

Anyway, Broker Pal Sally has this listing. It is about 1,600 square feet, with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and this weird upstairs loft area that has no reason to exist. Oh yes, in order to get to the loft, one must risk their lives, ascending up super-steep stairs. In addition to all that, the homeowners have very little understanding of home maintenance and what it takes to actually stage a home for sale. Sally has gently nudged them on a few items, they responded with quick fixes that actually made things worse. So now she wanted someone else to provide anonymous feedback so she wouldn't have to be the heavy. 

I should also mention, Sally has already gotten more assistance out of them than she expected. For example there is only one bed in the master bedroom now. And they actually mostly-sorta cleaned the bathrooms. Additionally, the sellers are absolutely certain Zillow is the Lord's Gospel Truth and just know their home is worth $40,000 more than it is. Anyway, Sally has this place listed for $350,000. I sold one in March in the same neighborhood, bigger and in much better condition for $325,000. But what do I know? 

Here's the thing about being a secret shopper. It is like being an outsider to a dysfunctional family picnic. You may recognize that Brother James is a wackadoodle, but it isn't appropriate to say so. Nobody picks on Brother James except family. You, as the outsider need to grin and nod. I did not. 

Instead, I gave Broker Pal Sally the blunt truth. The place smells like a wet dog. There is (hopefully) water leaking from an exterior door, there are brass doorknobs, brushed nickel faucets and oiled bronze ceiling fans. The carpet is ripped in one place and weird green slime in another. The tile is circa 1986 and hasn't been cleaned since. Neither has the stove. There is too much furniture, and if they are moving anyway, perhaps they could move some of it now? I also suggested removing--and I am not making this up--the organ from the master bedroom, securing the staircase railing and investing in gallon jugs of Febreze. 

Anyway, Broker Pal Sally did not take well to my feedback. It appears I overstepped. She was looking for the glossed over version of me saying, "It will sell." And it will. But not at $350,000. The fact that it is still on the market and there are no offers after this weekend is evidence enough even in this market (5,700 homes Active) Buyers aren't that desperate. 

Here are a few pictures. You can't smell them. You're welcome.