Darwin sent Squirrel and me a text and a video Sunday. He said, "This seems like something the sellers should have disclosed." It was a picture of a water moccasin--on the other side of his enclosed patio--with a frog half-way consumed.
Now there are two things you need to know about me and my two brothers: first we were traumatized by a rattlesnake when we were little. We are the only ones who truly understand our snake phobia (and Heaven knows our spouses have tried to comprehend this). And second, we will take any and every opportunity to capitalize on each other's snake phobia.
Now then back to our story...
The conversation took many turns but I did suggest he just set his entire yard on fire. Because that was the only way I could see this ending successfully.
Squirrel pointed out there were probably other snakes around the corner, so be on the lookout because it was inevitable the first snake and his thuggy friends would jump Darwin. The frog was just an appetizer.
I told a story about how I heard of someone in Miami (where Darwin lives) recently finding a water moccasin in his washing machine.
Squirrel mentioned they can get in under door cracks and live in between the walls of homes.
I told Darwin about how last time I was in Florida I found out they can climb trees (true story). And it went on from there.
At one point Darwin contacted his super-useful real estate agent and asked why the seller never mentioned the snake. And THERE WAS A POISONOUS SNAKE IN HIS YARD! She replied, "What's the big deal?" Darwin hates his agent. We all agreed she was an idiot.
I am going to send him a hoe and a shovel as a housewarming gift.
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