A Purposeful Challenge

Many things happened Sunday afternoon. My day started out wonderfully and took a nose-dive around 7:30 p.m. I am not ready to write about the nose-dive, nor do I wish to burden all'y'all, but if you are the prayerful type, a couple of chats with the Almighty for a special intention would be heartily appreciated.

But back to one of the good parts about Sunday. I had a lovely dinner Sunday with my long-time friend, who challenged me to figure out what I want to do with my life. More specifically where do I see myself in Dec. 2018? I would love to take her to task with this, but I did the same to her a couple of weeks ago. So, my turn.

The reason this came up is because I am feeling slightly lost. "Free time" is something everyone else had. Now I walk around aimlessly, looking for a way to fill the gaps between one task and the other. I don't know how to productively do that. Nor have I come up with a real answer to "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?"

The truth is, I don't know. I know what I want. I want a world where cancer isn't a thing, people can politely agree to disagree on politics and religion and carbs won't kill you. I want a world where I don't have to worry if my teenagers choose to join the military in a few years they will be in harm's way. That's what I want for everyone else.

What I want specifically for myself. I don't know. I haven't given myself the luxury of thinking about it for a long time. That isn't a complaint. When one is raising kids, they come first. When one is doing 15 other things at the same time, "the future" is a nebulous concept. For that matter, when one is doing 15 other things at the same time and living in crisis mode, "the future" is not even on the radar.

In all fairness, I have had a year to get used to the idea there is a future without the accidental business. Not to make excuses, but this past year feels more like a road to emotional recovery. Not having my phone ring at odd hours and not having 37 crisis emails a day has been a treat. But all that stuff is now. I know if I am not careful, there won't be a self-created future, but a rambling along day-to-day one where I am searching for purpose. I have a choice. This friend has challenged me to figure something out.

I have no idea where to begin.