The Other Option

I am racking my brain, trying to figure out what life would have been life right at this moment if Marty had decided to take the job in Fort Myers. Right now, I am watching the sunrise from my office. Would I even have noticed the sun came up through the clouds, making pinks and gray hues in my family room and transforming my laundryroom into a magical shade of periwinkle? I think it is understood that I would have slept as little as I did last night, regardless of whether we were moving or not. I don't sleep well.

At any rate, it is a beautiful sunrise.

Make no mistake, I am somewhat disappointed we aren't moving too. I am ready for an adventure. I happened to believe (and kind of did all along) that this particular job wasn't the right adventure. However, Marty's entire job search encompassed so much mental energy last summer that very little else happened. It was a waiting game. I remember sitting at the Broker's luncheon, talking to a woman who wanted to make future plans with me. At that very moment, Marty was on an interview and I remember smiling and being noncommittal. This past week I reached out to her and yesterday I met her for tea. She's a delight.

Polly starts school this week. It is not exactly how she planned her semester to go, given classes started two weeks ago. Both kids unenrolled, as we were moving, right? Polly was able to get one of her two late start classes back. The other one she is on a waiting list for, but I am encouraging her to show up anyway. I am pretty darn sure she will never stop telling me how she should be in this class, but NO! She had to unenroll!

As if we didn't know.

And she isn't the only one with that mantra. Buckaroo thew that in my face (not Marty's, never Marty's face) yesterday about his class. Yep, we get it. He had to unenroll too. He is the more level-headed of my two and I happen to know he will get over it, as will his sister. Besides, the opportunity to sign up the Mesa Fire Fighter Cadet program showed up now that he has time and isn't encumbered by a school schedule. Isn't that better than sitting in a classroom toiling away at algebra?

If Marty had taken the job, today I would probably be meeting the handyman or roofer here for some round of work. I would probably have a "coming soon" sign in my yard and moving boxes in my garage. I would have been confirming the movers, to ensure they would be here in (gulp) three weeks. There would probably be a house hunting trip to Fort Myers scheduled for Marty and I next week--and call me superstitious, I don't want to be in an airplane next Wednesday. The dog would have a new owner. The cat would be traumatized because... never mind. The cat is traumatized in general. I would be figuring out how to say good bye to everyone and making promises with the Almighty so that I would have a chance to see my 82 year old father in six months. I would be avoiding videos from my brothers, who seemed to find all of the "python eating alligator" videos in existence lately and thought I should see them. I would be polishing off my resume and would have set up job search parameters in a few of the professional employment search Web sites. But most of all, I wouldn't be admiring the sunrise out the family room window this morning.