A Basic Primer

How to Not Rent A Cute Little Duplex in Gold Canyon Any Home

There comes a time when (apparently) one needs to be reminded of the basics of applying for a rental home. There have been countless volumes already written on such a topic--many of those volumes written by yours truly. But apparently the entire topic needs to be refreshed by those named Dina who prefer not to be homeless. Even if it isn't my listing, but I am the one showing you the property, I am not going to risk my reputation on recommending someone to the owner who is going to cause issues later. So, off the top of my head, here it goes:

1. Show up on time. Showing up on time sort of suggests a sense of integrity. Showing up late makes others wonder what kind of time frame you have for more important pursuits, such as paying rent.

2. Keep a clean car. We look. How you keep your car gives us a hint into how you keep your home.

3. For the love of all that is Holy, keep your personal problems to yourself. If I have known you five minutes, I don't need to hear about every bad event that is happened in your life. I don't need your medical history. I don't need to know about your poor choices--even if you refuse to own your poor choices.

4. Speaking of medical issues. If you are disabled, an owner can't discriminate. If you continually mention that "someone could get hurt on the staircase" and you talk brag about other lawsuits you may have won, an owner may find another reason to disqualify you from renting their property--even if you are allegedly disabled.

5. How you fill out an application speaks volumes. I promise.

6. Why would you badmouth to me a property you say you want to rent? You have plenty of living choices. We hear what you say. We also understand it is an negotiating technique and don't care. Next applicant please.

7. The most an owner will ever learn about a tenant is from the time they express interest in a property until that moment the ink on the lease is signed (if it gets that far). Owners/agents pay attention to this.

8. If your clothes smell like cigarettes. If your eyes are glassed over. If your breath smells like booze. If your teenage kid smells like pot. Or all of the above, just don't waste your time, Dear Dina Applicant. And don't waste mine either.

I am sure I can think of a million other helpful tips that should have been taught by mothers everywhere. But this is what I have on short notice. By the way, Dina probably won't get the house. I have already mentioned to the other agent she needs to evaluate her application very carefully and perhaps give the owner a choice of potential tenants.