Falling Into Change

Though I have never been a fan of Halloween, for the past 15 years I have been a huge fan of Columbus Day. That also happens to be the day Buckaroo came into my life. He was a sweet baby. And, unlike his sibling, he slept at night.

But before Halloween and Columbus Day, I have always looked forward to October. It is the month before all the crazy holiday stuff happens. It is the last normal month of obligations before my social anxiety skyrockets because everyone decides they need to celebrate and we are expected to be six places at once. It is the month when the 100 degree temperatures, though they linger during the day, don't come as often or stay as high. We can--and do--sleep with windows open starting in October. And once in a while, dare I say it, I wear a light-weight long sleeve shirt.

I especially like October this year because it feels like a new beginning. Now that the court case and our accidental business closing is far behind us (ok, by seven weeks), October this year was full of momentum. I have been busy helping our family move forward from the depth of financial ruin. This week, we paid off one of the three debts that weren't included in the bankruptcy. Hopefully, if real estate goes well, we can pay off debt two in a few months. And then, I can get a reasonable car. Debt three will probably have to wait a bit longer. The car comes first.

October this year is the first month I felt like I could handle the horridly emotional grief that has overwhelmed me for the past few months. Though, to be fair, I had everything more or less under control and then a couple of weeks ago I drove by Reader Number Two's home. I then cried so hard I actually had to get off the Interstate because I don't have windshield wipers on my eyeballs. It took me two hours to drive 40 miles because I kept stopping in parking lots to get enough control over the tears so I could move forward. And this week, I really wanted to talk to her. I wanted to process the dynamics of this crazy transaction that was thrown in my lap. Reader Number Two was a student of human nature. She would have been able to give me insight and wisdom. But even with these two hurdles, I managed to keep my grief in perspective. I can function now. Two months ago, I couldn't.

When the wind blows, the weather is changing. The winds are metaphorically blowing in my home too. Not just with our finances. Or with me having to suck up that I have a lack of motherly figure in my life (which really sucks, by the way). But there are changes in our lives. I have drastically changed what I am doing to home school Buckaroo. It is an experiment that I think can work in his best interests. So far, we are in the beta testing, but it is quite positive. Polly is also lobbying for change, as she would like to go back to the community college in the Spring. If we can figure out this transportation thing, It might be doable. I am thinking one class. Something fun and interesting. English 102 can wait. There are also other changes. Subtle ones that seem to be causing positive results in our lives. So, here's to more great things coming my way.