Disclaimer: If I have ever helped you rent your home or if I have ever helped your find a rental, I love you, cherish your friendship and this post has nothing whatsoever to do with my experiences with you. For the rest of you: I hate rentals.
So Carla and Doug, who have been living quite contently in their little condo for three or four years have decided to stretch their wings. And, given they only listen to those smarter and more hysterical than me, they want to sell now while the getting is good and then buy during the next housing crash.
About one-third of the value of their condo is pure equity and their payment is less less than 10 percent of their take-home pay. No matter, they want out now! Therefore, they have tasked me with helping them find a rental. That way they can spend more than 40 percent of their take-home pay on rent, have zero equity and wait for the market to implode. Not that I'm the least bit judgy.
Of course, there is this tid-bit comes with headaches for yours truly. The first twelve homes they sent me to see all had more than four applications on them. I know this because I talked to twelve agents. There were a few other homes in the mix but those agents don't answer their numerous voicemails/text messages and/or don't have voicemail at all. At any rate, none of them will be getting Doug and Carla's love.
I tried a different tactic, I started asking agents if they had some rentals coming on the market soon. A few did. But none met Doug and Carla's criteria--which was fine by me.
Oh yes, I should mention there is another hiccup in this whole scenario. Many years ago before Doug's frontal lobe was fully developed, Doug spent a few years in prison. Now then, before we all jump to wild conclusions, Doug is not the same person he was all those years ago. He is a family man--he even has sole custody of his children! Doug pays taxes and turned his life around. However, his background check will show the inevitable. Therefore, when I started talking to the agents about future properties, I was doing my best to sell Doug as the awesomist dude around (all the while wishing he would just get his record expunged).
El Jefe might have a property coming up. He thinks the landlord would be chill with Doug's past. That's promising. However, the tenants living in the potential upcoming property aren't moving out very quickly. Last night Doug and Carla put an application in on this house--sight unseen--with the idea if the tenants move out, AND the owner approves, AND they like the place, it could be theirs. That seems like a reasonable life choice given the circumstances, but I can think of a few better.
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