Reservations

My search to figure out my next step has been filled with landmines this week, which are distracting me from sitting down and thinking. And analyzing. And discerning. What ever change I make, I would prefer it to be my last one. I am not in a hurry and would rather make this decision be the right one.

Yes, I interviewed with one broker. It went well. He is promising me opportunities I will not get if I go out on my own. I liked him. I think I could learn and grown under the right circumstances with his company. But I am not sure the "right circumstances" will truly ever manifest. The nagging part of my gut doesn't fully believe him. And I happen to believe my gut when it is telling me something.

I live in a city where a certain religion dominates. This same religion happens to dominate in Salt Lake City too. The broker I met with is part of this faith. In this religion's meetings they have been known to talk about "the abomination that is the Catholic church." I know this because I have heard it. When I was in my teens I had a friend who took me to her church, the same church, with her every week. I also know this because I have done research and talked to others who have left this religion.

I have lived in Mesa for 23 years, I have seen this repeatedly, first hand at restaurants, social events and even on my own street. I have even seen it in real estate transactions where a seller refuses to sell because the buyer isn't taking their marching orders from Salt Lake City's temple--even after the buyer and seller shook on the deal.

Those in this faith are very nice folks. But they tend to stick together, and those who don't play like they do, are outcasts and always will be. It is part of their tenants to take care of their own first. It isn't that they are purposely (hopefully) snubbing. Perhaps they aren't aware they say things IN FRONT OF ME AND MY DAUGHTER like, "Don't play with that little girl Polly, you need to find someone to play with from our church." These aren't isolated incidents. Nor are they just my anecdotal experiences. I am 100 percent certain I can walk down the street and poll ten random non-Salt Lakers, who will share similar stories.

When Diamond Jim hung his license with folks from an accounting firm of this faith, I watched as he was treated as a pariah (I encouraged him to leave and he told me afterwards he should have). I watched as his clients were treated like outcasts and I was told by the head of this firm, when he found out that I was Diamond Jim's client, that I was to wait outside--in the summer heat--because he and the receptionist were talking--in the lobby--about some church social event their families were involved in. Incidentally, my reply was, with a sweet smile on my face, "Bless your heart. No thank you."

My children were home-schooled partially because this goes on at the local schools without hesitation. I have witnessed it--even without my children being in the schools. I have told this goes on by those in that faith and those who are not in that faith. It is discrimination, and very difficult to prove if the principals and school board (who are also of the same religion) and the last three superintendent of public instructions (also practice the same religion) even cared to delve into this.

I have had great superficial relationships with those who practice this religion, but as an adult, there will never be a true bonding. This fact alone troubles me about putting my license with this broker. Most of his agents have last names the same as many streets in my town. So, there is a good chance they also practice the same faith. So, where does that leave me? When push comes to shove, will I be the outsider? And, as much as I liked our chat and the possibilities he is offering, this weighs very heavily in my decision to hang my license with him, because where he goes to church on Sunday will never change.

Though I have written a great deal about these concerns today, there are good items too. I know if what he is offering will be of value, I will have to think about it. He invited me to a meeting in his office on Tuesday. When I explained I had transportation issues, he offered to pick me up. So, it appears he is very interested in me coming aboard. He (apparently) doesn't have a problem with the fact I don't go to his church. I am going to go to the meeting (with my own transportation) because I want to see how he interacts with his agents and how they interact with me. Perhaps then I will be able to either scratch this brokerage off my list and move on or dither some more.